29 Nov 2017
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Sorry it has taken me a while to respond. I am just getting back into my routine and haven't been on our site too much lately.
It is rotten when you feel so low. So many negative emotions tugging at you. Sometimes you feel like you're just going to burst. But holy cow, Ocean, forget about trying to smoke to ease the tension. You probably realize by now that that is such a crock. Why did we ever think that was a good idea and a solution to our problems? Man, this addiction had made us a bit delusional.
You are probably feeling a lot better already. As you know, life has its ups and downs. Smoking won't affect that either way. It was something we used to do to cope, but what the hell. All that did was cause us huge health problems. And where did that get us? It just gave us more to worry about. It just made it harder to breathe. It just made us feel bad about ourselves for subjecting other people to our smoke, to our addiction. It was a big waste of our hard earned money. What the heck was the appeal?
The truth is that this addiction is very good at making sure we keep feeding it fuel. And when we start withholding the gas, it starts to squeeze us and hurt us physically. Our lungs throb and ache, we start to sweat, we can't sleep, we get irritable, or other bad things come to pass. I am still amazed at how hard this addiction has gripped me. I really didn't understand that until I seriously tried to quit. I shudder to think of all the crap I went through that first month I tried to quit. Holy cow, it's not a joke. Quitting isn't easy. It really tough. It hurts. It makes you long for the good ole days. But if you can make it through all of that, ultimately, it is worth everything.
Hang in there, Ocean. You have come so far, don't blow it. Keep taking it one step at a time, one moment at a time. It will get easier day by day, as you have discovered. And smoking won't solve any problems that arise in your life. And you will have to learn other ways to make yourself feel better when life gets tough. But that will get easier for you, too, as time goes on. Just keep plugging away, Ocean, because you deserve the best. And that means living a smoke free life. It truly does.