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The addict in my head

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  1. atp
    atp avatar
    365 posts
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    31 Dec 2018
    29 Jan
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    As I move along in my quit (4 weeks now!), I have realized that I have a new tenant in my head - Andy the Addict. Yes, as much as I think I have been doing a great job on this quit, my new alter ego addict keeps popping up and trying to convince me that just one smoke is not such a bad thing. The truth is that in the last 4 weeks I have really started to come to terms with how much of a drug (nicotine) addict I was.

    I think back to the times I would go out at midnight, or during a snow storm just to buy smokes. Then there is the time last fall I ran out of smokes and pulled a half smoked butt out of my butt can and lit it (ashamed of that one, but I bet most smokers have done that at least once). How many times I left family and friends to stand outside all alone to have a smoke. 

    Craving are one thing, but it's the mental argument I need to have with my new alter ego, Andy the Addict, that I was not prepared for. The twisted logic arguments that my alter ego puts forth can be quite convincing at times. 


  2. treepeo
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    29 Nov 2017
    29 Jan in reply to atp
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    Hi atp,

    Wow, a whole month smoke free!  Congratulations!  That is a really big deal!!!

    I can relate to that voice in your head.  It used to be in my head, too.  Just know that that is all part of the quitting process.  We have an addiction, and that addiction will do its best to get us back on board.  But don't listen to it.  You already mentioned some addictive behaviors that you can do without.  I can relate to each and every one of them.  And how sad when you think about it.  But now you have broken free.  Trust me, atp.  I know that right now that voice gnaws at you, but the longer you resist, the weaker that voice will get.  It will become a whisper, and then eventually vanish.

    Celebrate how far you have come and bolster your resolve.  You are stronger than your addiction.  Make "Not One Puff Ever" your mantra.  Hang tough, you can do this!  I believe in you, atp.
  3. atp
    atp avatar
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    30 Jan in reply to treepeo
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    treepeo,

    Thanks for the encouragement. 

    I'm moving forward with my quit to a point I can really start to reflect on how addicted to smoking I really was. The wasted time and money, the ill health effects. That's the negative things that help to keep my quit going. But that voice in my head....wow, was not ready for that. I can see why it becomes a continuing thing to stay quit. 

    No regrets about quitting though. I am starting to really feel much more liberated. Its a good thing. 
  4. eagerquit
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    07 Mar 2018
    30 Jan
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    Hi atp,

    Congratulations atp on four weeks smoke free. That is a great milestone. It is time to evict that tenant in your head. It isn't paying any rent and just takes up space that could be more productively occupied. I took on a bunch of new activities and enjoy every one of them. My bucket list stopped being wishful thinking. The money I saved has gone into things that have come to be an integral part of my new healthy lifestyle.

    Keep up the great quit!

    Eagerquit
  5. atp
    atp avatar
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    31 Jan in reply to eagerquit
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    eagerquit,

    Eviction notice was given, but I think it may take some time for my 'tenant' to leave my head. It gets easier every day to deal with the remnants of my smoking habit. Although I did need to munch on a bunch of mini carrots last night to get myself through an episode. 

    Today is another smoke free day - I'm actually starting to like being smoke free! Now to go and find me some new activities as my new goal for this week. 
  6. efreeman75
    efreeman75 avatar
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    02 Apr 2018
    31 Jan
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    Hi atp,

    Way to go giving that tenant notice, but I hear you loud and clear that sometimes the tenant refuses to leave.  Give it time, and they will slowly evict themselves.

    I think we need to re-experience a full cycle of the seasons before we can truly rid our minds of that little devil trying to convince us that just one won't hurt. 

    With the cold spell lately, I've been delivering coffee to my outside field staff.  They're very appreciative and we have a good time sitting in the construction trailers chatting.  Many of my workers are smokers, but are generally considerate about where they smoke - unless it's -30 - then it's smoke away in the shacks with the door propped open a few inches at best.  I have to say that at first it was incredibly tempting, but I didn't even really notice it yesterday until I was driving away and noticed how my coat reeked of smoke. 

    The point is, it takes time, but the mnid and the urges it creates will reinvent itself to not include smoking.  Be ever diligent, but you're well on your way.  Congratulations.

    E
    Last modified on 31 Jan 2019 07:48 by efreeman75
  7. kate r, quit coach
    kate r, quit coach avatar
    49 posts
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    16 Jan 2019
    31 Jan
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    Hi atp,

    Congratulations on going four weeks smoke-free! You are doing great with your quit journey!

    It seems being smoke-free has given you some perspective on your behaviours while you were smoking. I sense that externalizing some of the thoughts (or mental arguments) as coming from a "tenant" or "Andy" is a strategy you are using to identify and challenge those thoughts. This is great, because it keeps you focused on your goal of staying smoke-free.

    Thank you treepo, eagerquit and efreeman75 on providing encouragement and normalizing this as part of the process of quitting. It should get easier with time!

    It is also great to hear, atp, that you are also starting to enjoy being smoke-free! We would encourage to you to consider rewarding yourself for your progress! It might help you stay motivated in your quit. Four weeks smoke-free is definitely a milestone.

    Kind regards,
    Kate R
  8. success
    success avatar
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    30 Jan 2019
    13 Feb
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    I am so glad that I came across this post today - an ahha moment happened, I have been on funemployment since just before Christmas - started the patch Jan 25, knowing that I am to start a new position, new employer, new co-workers in just a few short weeks..from now - but I will have a full month of not smoking when I start.

    Yes, I have that tenant to deal with as well.

    Today is a tough one, developed into a headache and a tummy ache, I just want to go to sleep and not wake up until the cravings are gone.

    I know this is not possible. - maybe that is what keeps me from falling asleep at night. 

    Wish it was warmer so I could go for a walk and relax and just breathe the winter air to clean out my lungs and my soul from this tenant even just for a while.





8 posts, 0 answered