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1. heab

   

   15 posts
   Registered:
   06 Feb 2019
   21 Feb 2019

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   Hi- Today was 12 days of not smoking. Things were feeling ok. I had/have been having an on going family issue. The last time I relapsed - it was the family issue that triggered me. Today I bought a package of ciggaretts and have smoked 3 today. Obviously I feel extremely down and so disappointed in myself. I am at a loss as what to do to get back on track. Any support- suggestions ideas would be so welcomed and helpful. One part go me is saying- just smoke for a few days and star the quit again. Another part wants to just get rid of the package NOW. The longer I stay in a relapse the harder it will be to quit again. I was overcoming so many triggers- driving to work and not smoking was becoming WAY easier. Not having a ciggarett when I woke up in the morning. So many things were slowly changing- I felt so much better and now I feel beyond sad ! Which only makes me want to  continue to smoke. Feeling BAD !
2. lucky

   

   32 posts
   Registered:
   13 Feb 2019
   21 Feb 2019

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   Hi heab,
   
   What you described in your post happened to me, exactly the same trigger (family issue) and smoking just a few smokes and feeling ashamed about it.
   Never  give up trying! Be proud of the 12 days you were able to quit. Start over again and don't beat yourself up over one slip. Lot's of people have tried many times to quit.
   
   Today is my 13th day of not smoking and I have to figure out a way to deal with issues that make me want to smoke. I found that when I get upset to go for a walk, it seems to help
   
   Stay positive.
   
   
   
   
3. treepeo

   

   832 posts
   Registered:
   29 Nov 2017
   21 Feb 2019

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   Hi heab,
   
   I am sorry to hear you are going through a difficult time.  Life is full of challenges, and those challenges cause a lot of us to fall back into our old ways.  But the ball is in your court.  You are in charge of deciding what you are going to do.  Do you want to continue with your quit?  If so, just do it.  Don't worry about the cigarettes you smoked.  Just focus on the present and the future (working towards becoming a non-smoker).
   
   You know, I have been on vacation this week, a staycation.  My goal was to get a lot of much needed housework done.  Well, what happened was that I kind of hurt my lower back going to and from work on the subway last week.  So I was hesitant about doing anything to aggravate it.  And I had to think about it.  And I realized that I wanted to move forward with my plans, even if I had to modify the amount of housework I was going to do.  And I just got on with it.  Now, I haven't got to everything yet, but I have done enough at this point that I am proud of myself.
   
   The point of my story is that sometimes we have to take a step back, consider our options, and decide what we really want to do.  What is most important to us.
   
   You say that driving to work without smoking was getting a lot easier.  That you weren't starting your day with a smoke, and that you were starting to feel better.  You can still experience all of those things, even though you stumbled a bit.  Think about your reasons for wanting to quit.  Are those reasons compelling enough to make you want to resume your journey?
   
   There is always going to be stress in your life.  Part of quitting is learning how to deal with stress without resorting to smoking.  It's hard to do, but it can be done.  Try to channel your inner strength, heab.  You can do this.  Believe in yourself.
   
4. heab

   

   15 posts
   Registered:
   06 Feb 2019
   21 Feb 2019 in reply to treepeo

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   Hi treepeo,
   Thank you, All you said makes so much sense, Things were going so well . I like your scenario re the house work, Pick myself up again feels like my only choice- I so want to quit. I quit for 6 years - had one cigarette- and was right back at it. You are right- there will always be stress. I have multiple years recovery in a 12 step program. I made up my mind and never looked back. The draw towards smoking is so powerful it scares me so. Could I check in with you tomorrow- let you know how day goes, You have been extremely helpful. I teach in an Elementary School- all the staff and students have been supporting and encouraging me- and  now I wish I never told them. I feel ashamed. Calling it a night as I am up at 6am, Threw the package out- don't want this slip to drag on into days- weeks- months, THANK YOU- I have such gratitude for you support !!
5. kate r, quit coach

   

   49 posts
   Registered:
   16 Jan 2019
   22 Feb 2019

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   heab,
   
   Congratulations on throwing the pack of cigarettes out and for going 12 days smoke-free! Slips and relapses are a normal part of quitting. Moreover, the fact that you feel "bad" or "ashamed" are just signs that you really care about wanting to be smoke-free. It seems you are committing to continue with your quit; others may not have done so.
   
   lucky, congratulations on continuing with your quit! You sound determined to never quit quitting. You should also be proud of your accomplishments. Glad to hear walking is helpful to you.
   
   As treepo shared, coping with stress and not resorting to smoking is possible: you can do this! It might be helpful to consider alternative ways of handling stress (that feel right to you), which you can use in those moments when you want to smoke. It might be deep breathing, listening to music, or even going for a walk (just as lucky found effective).
   
   - Kate R
6. jeyan

   

   176 posts
   Registered:
   28 Nov 2017
   22 Feb 2019 in reply to heab

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   Hi Heab,
   
   it's always ok to relapse, we just need to get back to where we were. I relapsed many times, twice 1 year after my quits. This time I am almost into my 3 year.  Looking back I have remained smoke free for 5 of my last 7 years.
   
    Also, remember these triggers so you can avoid it next time.  The Nico demon is very good at drumming up your emotions to quench it's thurst  for nicotine.  Eventually, you need to learn to take things easily, handle your emotions, and by letting go of things. :)  we can do this!
   
7. brieffree

   

   1477 posts
   Registered:
   28 Nov 2017
   22 Feb 2019

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   Hi Heab
   
   Look sleep and relapse are part of the quit journey, this is why we need to be prepare for those moments, make plan what to instead of …..
   
   I do remember when I started my journey, back then last June 7/15, and after smoking 3 pks a day!
   Well, I quit cold turkey, and I have to tell you that I sleep and relapse as many times, until I realize that I was doing it again! No more, I quit quitting and keep my quit! No more  smoke into my lungs!
   
   Believe in what you learned wile you where free! you are welcome to continue your Journey, just say No More!
   
   You can do it!
8. treepeo

   

   832 posts
   Registered:
   29 Nov 2017
   23 Feb 2019 in reply to heab

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   Hi heab,
   
   There is absolutely no reason for you to feel ashamed for having a slip.  Knowing what we know today, if quitting were easy, no one would still be smoking.  It takes courage to make the decision to quit.  And it is a testament to your commitment that you told people that you were going to quit.  I know, because I did that myself.  I was kind of afraid to tell people in case I didn't make it.  But then I realized that the more support I had, the better.  And that even if I slipped, those who really cared about me would still support me, rather than judge me.  I think you will find the same thing.
   
   Kudos to you for throwing out your pack.  I know that those cigarettes you smoked are going to make you crave more again.  But you are stronger than your addiction.  You can get on top of this again.  Don't let cigarettes rule your life.  You deserve to live a healthier life, and the tremendous freedom that comes with being a non-smoker.
   
   When you get a craving, try to do something to distract yourself.  And wait 10 minutes, and then another 10 minutes, and so on, until it passes.  I know it's really hard to get through, but as you know, it gets easier with time.
   
   And heab, I want to thank you for sharing your experience with us.  When you said you had one cigarette and were right back at it, I can so easily imagine that.  Even my smoking friends called me a hard core smoker, and I guess I was.  I know in my heart that even one puff will send me right back to being a hard core smoker.  I know that I cannot have one puff ever.  I have resigned myself to the fact that I will probably have occasional cravings all of my life, because smoking was an integral part of my life to this point.  But holy cow, I worked so hard to get to this point, and I just can't go back, I really can't.  So like you, I am going to fight like heck to keep my quit no matter what it takes.
   
   I hope you can hang tough, heab.  I am rooting for you.  Be well.