Forums / My journey / Unsupportive Support

Unsupportive Support

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. kate r, quit coach
    kate r, quit coach avatar
    49 posts
    Registered:
    16 Jan 2019
    14 Apr
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    Hi community members! As a quit coach, it is great to see how supportive and encouraging everyone here is with each other! It speaks volumes about the community here.

    However, sometimes when quitting, it seems that friends and family, in an attempt to provide support, seem to nag, bother, or annoy instead of help. They may persistently ask how your quit is going, shame you for slipping, or not seem to understand how difficult it is to quit. This is not an uncommon experience, and why we have a One Step at a Time booklet aimed at helping a smoker quit. This booklet is available on our website under the How we help tab.

    Have your friends and family been supportive of your quits/quit journeys? Has anyone ever felt that their go-to supports (be it friends, family, or other important persons) have actually been unsupportive (perhaps without meaning to be)? How did you navigate this?
    Last modified on 14 Apr 2019 22:28 by kate r, quit coach
  2. treepeo
    treepeo avatar
    786 posts
    Registered:
    29 Nov 2017
    16 Apr in reply to kate r, quit coach
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    Hi Kate,

    I got a lot of support from family and friends when I quit.  But two sisters of mine were completely unsupportive.  They never once asked me how my quit was going, how I was feeling, none of that.  But they both smoke.  And I realized that on some level, they wanted me to fail so they could tell themselves, "See, it can't be done.  We can't quit at this point in our lives."  In some ways, I get it, because I remember that I used to feel guilty when someone I knew quit.  I used to ask myself, why can they do it and not me?  But I realized that you have to be ready to quit.  You have to really, really want to quit, and you have to be prepared to suffer a bit.

    So even though I was hurt that these two sisters did not support me, I just told myself that I was doing something amazing, and that I was going to forge ahead, no matter what.  And look at me now.  I have been a non-smoker for over two years, and I am so thankful that I made it through the quitting process.  And I could not have done it without the Smoker's Helpline.   This site made all the difference in the world, because I really had no idea how to go about quitting.  I did the exercises, read the materials, set a quit time, and met a lot of wonderful people here along the way.  And I want to remain a non-smoker for the rest of my life.
  3. brieffree
    brieffree avatar
    1331 posts
    Registered:
    28 Nov 2017
    16 Apr
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    Hi Kate

    What important and relevant part of the quit! with out the support of my Daughter and this amazing site and the Sho Members and all that we are here, I will never be free for too long!

    Briefree!  
  4. atp
    atp avatar
    341 posts
    Registered:
    31 Dec 2018
    17 Apr in reply to kate r, quit coach
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    Kate,

    My wife was an amazing support for me through-out my quit. She mostly was just there to listen to me blabbering on about my quit. But she provided some great insights at times. Mostly she was just there. Not judging or offering suggestions. 

    Mistake I made in past quits was trying to not lean on others around me. Also, as I'm sure with so many others, I was hesitant to declare my quit or make too much of it - for fear of not succeeding. 

    I did have a few friends, especially my best friend going back to my youth who was less than supportive. That surprised me and left me a bit bitter as I have always been there for him on stuff. In the end I stopped trying to share my quit struggle with him and left it at that. 

    This community however was my saving grace with my quit. I really latched onto this site and it made the difference for me.

     
  5. kate r, quit coach
    kate r, quit coach avatar
    49 posts
    Registered:
    16 Jan 2019
    25 Apr
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    Thank you so much treepeo, brieffree, and atp for sharing your experiences! Glad that each of you did have some great supports throughout your quits. Congratulations to all of you for determinedly quitting in spite of having some individuals in your life who were not as supportive!

    As a quit coach, it's great to see that the website and our forums have been a great source of support for you all!

    Kate R
    Last modified on 25 Apr 2019 10:29 by kate r, quit coach
5 posts, 0 answered