Who is your support team?

sarah, quit coach

222 posts
Registered:
28 Nov 2017

23 May 2018

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Did you decide to share your intentions to quit smoking with friends and/or family? Or did you keep your plans to yourself? Why or why not?

Be sure to check out the ‘Assemble your Support team’ tool. It is a way of bringing together people you would consider to be your biggest cheerleaders, to lift you up throughout your quit journey. Remember, it could be a friend, family member, health care professional, co-worker, neighbor – anyone who meets your support needs!

https://www.smokershelpline.ca/quit-plan/volume1/my-support-team?ActivityCode=VOL1-ACT004

treepeo

832 posts
Registered:
29 Nov 2017

23 May 2018

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Hi Sarah,

I didn't tell anyone I was planning to quit. I wanted time to really think about it on my own, with no pressure from anyone else, and I didn't know how long I would need. Then, I quit while I was still on vacation, so again, I kept it to myself. It was only on Day 4 of my quit, when I went back to work, that I told my friends, and then my family, that I was quitting. And the reason I decided to tell them about my quit was because I knew it would make me feel more accountable. And I needed to feel that, because I was so very tempted to give in.

That is why I think it is a good idea to tell people that you are quitting. It makes it harder to give in when you are craving. And you get the added benefit of support from people you care about when they find out that you are sticking to the plan.

sarah, quit coach

222 posts
Registered:
28 Nov 2017

25 May 2018

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Thank you, treepeo, for sharing! You make such a good point: accountability can be incredibly valuable in a quit attempt.
You know best who will give you the support you need, and whether the circle is big or small...its up to you! But yes, its beneficial to have someone you can call on during an urge or craving to smoke - often that urge is brief, so a quick phone call is sometimes all it needs.
Happy weekend, treepeo!

brieffree

1477 posts
Registered:
28 Nov 2017

25 May 2018

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Hi Sarah

Well, that is a nice question, Personally I was telling my family that I had to quit, long ago of course. But they never support me to do it.
I think that is so Important to share it with someone who you trust. And what to expect from them.
Is important to feel the same with out smoking!
Since I was (force)to quit or else! I had to make one of the best decision in my life, confront my self! That is why I am still choosing to be free! I couldn't say that was easy, not at all, I have my day's. But I will never do it without this Amassing Help of the Helpline. And all the SHO member and staff! I will never reached so many day's without smoke 1083 days
Or: 2 years, 11 months, 18 days

One day at the time!Never give up!

sarah, quit coach

222 posts
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28 Nov 2017

25 May 2018 in reply to brieffree

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Aww thanks brieffree for also sharing your experience. You are so right: trust is key in ANY relationship. So when you choose your support team - for quitting smoking, or anything else important in life - its gotta be people who will encourage you, be there for you, and keep you feeling positive.
P.S Congrats! on your aaaaamazing quit brieffree! We are so thrilled for you, and will be part of your support team, now and for as long as you want us to be!!! Way to go,

Sarah

eagerquit

415 posts
Registered:
07 Mar 2018

26 May 2018

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Good Morning,

My support team are my family and friends. Most of them used to smoke but quit years ago. Being the last hold out made me an outcast and when I used to go out for a lonely smoke and came back smelling of it I got disapproving stares. I used to smoke with my co-workers in the smoking area outside during breaks and lunch. The lunch being only a half hour, I had to squeeze in a few cigarettes. At first there was a protective overhang but then we were moved to a wide open spot. We stood outside in snow, cold and rain. I hated every minute of that.

I was hospitalized as a result of my smoking and that prompted a five month quit at the end of which I figured it was safe to smoke again. I was then a closet smoker calling it my "guilty pleasure." When visiting with family and friends, I would have an occasional nicotine lozenge instead so they would not think I restarted. The longer the visit the more I craved cigarettes and I started avoiding the visits. As soon as I returned home, I smoked a bunch of cigarettes.

I quit this time for good so I am no longer in hiding. I can again enjoy those visits with family and friends without constantly thinking about having a smoke while there.

I also find the Smokers Helpline forums are a major source of support. Reading about others success stories and participating here has become a way for me to stay away from smoking myself.

Eagerquit

brieffree

1477 posts
Registered:
28 Nov 2017

26 May 2018

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Hi Eagerquit

You did it! I am so proud of you! I remember when you come and so...Look at you know, a new you! It feels Great to be a Non Smoker!

marianne, quit coach

278 posts
Registered:
30 Nov 2017

26 May 2018

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Hello to you all! It is so valuable to remind yourselves no matter where you are in your quit journey that you are never alone. Thank you Sarah for bringing this reflection to the forefront.

Eagerquit- so happy to hear that your family/friends and peers here on the forums are a major source of support to you.

Marianne

kate r, quit coach

49 posts
Registered:
16 Jan 2019

25 Apr 2019

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Hello members! I thought I would revive this thread, because it is an important one!

Identifying supports can be very helpful in quitting; we know support increases chances of success. As Sarah asked, I will pose again for new members: have you kept your plans to quit to yourself, or have you talked to your friends and/or family about quitting? What have your experiences been with supports along your quit journey?

Kate R

Last modified on 25 Apr 2019 09:21 by kate r, quit coach

turningpoint

97 posts
Registered:
30 Nov 2017

15 Jun 2019 in reply to sarah, quit coach

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I think support is great, but it does require a level of trust.

turningpoint

97 posts
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30 Nov 2017

15 Jun 2019

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I also think that trust is a big word.

brieffree

1477 posts
Registered:
28 Nov 2017

15 Jun 2019 in reply to turningpoint

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Hi all

This is an High important topic!

Deal with one's addiction problem as it is, require totally trust in your self, in order to confront all different situations and trust in the New you who become!
Family, friends, and all people around you need to know that you are changing your behave and sometimes we need a word of canines to charge our confidence!

For more than 4 years I been dealing with confidence to build more confidence!
Is every day job!

I am so proud to stand up every time I fail!

Every day is a fight, never give up!

linda, quit coach

146 posts
Registered:
28 Nov 2017

15 Jun 2019

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Hi everyone,

Thank you for sharing. Like turningpoint said, “support is great but it does require a level of trust,” which is an important and essential part of any healthy relationship. As we know, it’s the foundation of all relationships, families, teams and communities.

“Trust is a big word” as turningpoint said and can means many things: trusting someone means that we have confidence in them. We believe in them and we always feel safe and good around someone we trust. We simply know that they will be there for us and we are never alone.

Having a great support from someone we trust can help us stay motivated, become stronger and empower us to be better. This can make a big difference in our quit journey.

Thanks everyone for sharing and for supporting each other! Together we are stronger!

turningpoint

97 posts
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30 Nov 2017

15 Jun 2019

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brieffree, you are so right! The key is to have total trust in yourself, faced with whatever situation. Thank you. I wish you well in the daily fight, and commend you for standing up every time you fall (and we all fall sometimes).

linda, thank you for validating and expanding on what I had said. Your response was very helpful. Both you and brieffree have given me some great ideas.

kate r, quit coach

49 posts
Registered:
16 Jan 2019

16 Jun 2019 in reply to turningpoint

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turningpoint,

I think you are right: trust is a big part of leaning into supports. Sometimes people who we thought might be supportive, end up being unsupportive (whether unintentional or not) by nagging us or asking how the quit is going. We do all fall sometimes, and supports need to understand this.

I'm glad to see you have some great ideas from this conversation! How supportive everyone is in this community speaks highly about the people we have here!

Kate R

turningpoint

97 posts
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30 Nov 2017

16 Jun 2019

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I do believe and agree that trust is an important issue.

efram, quit coach

235 posts
Registered:
29 Nov 2017

20 Jun 2019

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Along with trust, I believe that communication is essential as well.

I'm thinking of this especially in light of eagerquits's post above, discussing family/friends as support but then also becoming a closet smoker after a relapse so family and friends wouldn't know.

By communicating your specific needs (i.e., "here's what I'd like you to do to support me") and being honest about how you're doing (no matter whether you're doing well or not so well), your support team will be in a better position to give you the top-notch support that you deserve!

Last modified on 20 Jun 2019 14:19 by efram, quit coach

atp

501 posts
Registered:
31 Dec 2018

20 Jun 2019 in reply to efram, quit coach

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This is probably one of the more difficult things we do when we are trying to quit - do we announce it to people we work with, associates, just close friends, or only immediate family.

Many of us have tried to quit many times in the past, so you get a bit gun-shy in wanting to declare we are quitting so as not wanting to be a disappoint or embarrassment later if we relapse.

Then there is the support side of it. Some friends can be really supportive, others may simply distance themselves or worse not be helpful at all.

My last quit I really leaned on my wife a lot. Mostly I just blabbered on and on about my quit, etc. the best thing she did was mostly just listen, offer a few words of encouragement.

I discovered a few close friends were less than supportive at the start. It was almost like I contracted a contagious disease and they were too afraid to come around.

One big piece of my quit was joining this site - the first few month I was on here almost daily and posting a lot. The support on this site was great and it really helped me.

turningpoint

97 posts
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30 Nov 2017

20 Jun 2019

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atp I like what you said, that quitting smoking is giving up a large part of who we were.

grace, quit coach

22 posts
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13 Jun 2019

04 Jul 2019

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Hi all,

I also like what you said atp that, "the best thing she did was mostly just listen". We often hear from people who want to support a friend or family member to quit and I think that often it really is that simple! When you're facing all the challenges that come with quitting, sometimes you just want to share that and be heard.

Grace

ocean

286 posts
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29 Nov 2017

15 Sep 2019

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I don't know about you, but finding support makes me uneasy sometimes. My past includes finding a sponsor for giving up drinking and it was awkward at first, but is great now. My family is proud of me for quitting my beer, but they don't really acknowledge it, even when it's my yearly celebrations. But I have a lot of acquaintance support with coworkers, shopkeepers, people I see regularly in my day to day. Like atp said, I'm the last of my friends of smokers, they quit long ago. They would support me if we were still roommates, but we connect once or twice a month now. And inside I feel this is my burden, my responsibility, just honestly how I feel. So coming here to SHO is a tremendous support. Everyone here is non-judgmental and there is always someone who you can identify with, even if your situations are different. And this site has a purpose, almost a responsibility to be there for me, so I don't feel self conscious about being a leech on someones time or patience. I like to depend on this site for the good energy, and for the lonely struggles. I don't know how well I'd do reaching out time after time for the lonely struggles in the early stages of a quit in real life. Then again, I do remember branching out after my quit was established to the Walk to Quit folks at the running room. This time I'm joining some gym classes for the transition and socialization and support in my real life too. Hopefully this quit sticks. Thank you for sharing this topic!

atp

501 posts
Registered:
31 Dec 2018

16 Sep 2019 in reply to ocean

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Ocean,

Posting on SHL was a key part of my quit strategy, and I'm still here 8 months later in order to keep myself grounded in my quit, and to give back to the community as well.
It is hard to quit, and it took me many tries over 24 years to finally get mine to stick. So I guess that is what makes so many of us here nonjudgmental - we know how hard it can be.
Interestingly, it took me until my current quit to really come to grips with smoking being an addiction. That in a way made me deal with it differently than in the past. Maybe you can apply some of the same motivators/strategies you used for quitting drinking to quitting smoking.

optimist

57 posts
Registered:
11 Jul 2019

24 Sep 2019

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Quitting smoking has been a long term struggle for me. I think that for me, smoking is not only an addiction, but also an emotional dependency of an unhealthy kind. So I have to keep moving forward with quitting - I can't just let this go. Good to hear atp that success eventually came for you and that you and Ocean and many others find support on this site.

optimist

57 posts
Registered:
11 Jul 2019

28 Sep 2019 in reply to linda, quit coach

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Re: "support: Just hope that you don't encounter somebody who breaks both your knees and then tells you to run.

dublinguy

349 posts
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09 Dec 2021

28 Mar 2022

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What a great topic. I just found it by browsing old threads.

This quit is the furthest I've lasted in the many times I tried over the 26 year smoking career. For months I was 'thinking' about quitting but never acted on it... or would smoke the last smoke intending to not buy more but always ended up buying another pack. Just one more I would tell myself. Finally I just decided one day... this is it. lets go for it.

I told no one for the first week. Not friends, family, no one. The first people to say anything were my landlords. They noticed after 2 days that I wasn't coming down to the kitchen to go out the back to smoke and I got a text 'are you ok?'... they thought I was after getting covid. It felt good to say 'Ive quit smoking' and then they were very supportive encouraging me and if I needed anything that they were there. I'd started a new job at the time so people weren't aware I even smoked so I kept it very quiet in work... in case I failed and ended up smoking again. Then about a week later when I was on the phone to my mum, I told her. She was delighted. But because I don't see her everyday, it just becomes part of the phone conversation on a sunday when she/I call 'how you getting on with the no smoking'.

Then I started to tell friends about 3 weeks in when I felt a bit stronger in it. Everyone was very supportive. I didn't meet one friend who smokes for a few months... I just felt that I would have been tempted to smoke one of his if we went to a bar. But we continued to text. I didn't know it but I was telling him everytime I texted that I was still off the smokes. I think that kind of annoyed him cos he said it to me when we finally met up again 'yea I know.. u say it in every text you send me'. I guess I was trying to drop hints that he should quit too.

I joined this forum 4 days into my quit. I was reading posts for the first bit but then decided to join in just to feel part of something. I remember the last time I tried to quit I think I was using a forum on PlentyOfFish or some website like this... but when I ran a google search for 'no smoking forum'... this was the only one I could find this time.

Without this forum, I don't think this quit would have survived. Its the place to come when you are going through bad cravings and urges or you just want to have a rant over something. Reading what other people say and have been through helps you feel less alone in it all and the support given is beyond helpful... it goes above and beyond. And then when I had a slip on day 65 I came here, not to me friends or family, and that saved the quit. Before in attempts the slips always lead to relapses. Because of this site, I didn't have a relapse this time. People on here really do understand what its like and theres no shaming or guilt or scoulding like friends or family might do.. just support and encouragement to not give up on the quit.

For a while the first thing I would say to friends and family when I saw them was 'im still off the smokes'... to the point I think they got sick of hearing about it. Now I just say it if they bring it up, if at all. The further into the quit you get, the less people ask how its going... that's another reason why this site is great... the support is always there and remains to be there months in. And while I don't feel I need the support as much as I did when I started this journey, I still like being able to talk about it and get help/give help.

My sister wasn't supportive at all... she said 'big whoop.. Im delighted for you' in a very sarcastic way. I guess some people just don't understand how hard to quit and then keep quit actually is. That's not their fault.

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