want2livelong
18 posts
Registered:
22 Feb 2020
21 Mar 2020
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It all started with a cancer-scare - had what I thought was an ulcer in my mouth and I thought it was cancer. I was referred to an ENT who looked at it and said that it was totally normal tissue (just visible blood vessel which made it look like it was an ulcer, but it wasn't). Had a scope all the way down my throat just to make sure and it is all healthy tissue. But the anxiety I had when 'thinking' that I was going to have to go through cancer treatment and still cope with supporting my kids with disabilities, I just panicked.
Now I am one month smoke-free. I smoked for over 14 years. Never went a day without a cigarette. And poof, one month has gone by very quickly without picking up a cigarette. I admit there have been some days with strong fleeting urges, but I just try to think of something else, do something else or chew NRT gum and that works fabulously.
Being 47, I'm not ready to die. I'm not ready to leave my kids. They need me far too much due to their disabilities. So quitting smoking is absolutely essential - funny how I care more about my kids than actually considering that quitting is good for MY health. I have always known that smoking is bad. My parents both smoked for many years of my childhood and I know that this likely had an impact on my willingness to start smoking. I am an educated person so I know all about the health risks and outcomes. But I used it as a crutch to get through some really hard years in raising my kids alone. Now I realize that they are going to need me for many many more years and I need to start caring about my health and being a good role model. (Mind you, my kids don't know I ever smoked because I hid it from them all these years). Anyway, I'm just rambling now... I am really pleased that I don't cough in the mornings at all anymore and I don't cough throughout the day either. I am breathing easier now for sure. The down side is that I am eating more - and have gained weight - but I know how to deal with that. I'm not judging myself for this. I am trying to find kindness and self-compassion to keep me going. Good luck to the rest of you as well. Thanks for listening. :0)