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2 Days & so much learned

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  1. lisa aubin
    lisa aubin avatar
    8 posts
    Registered:
    27 Dec 2019
    04 Jan
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    Day 1 - I got through the day surprisingly without too much difficulty, it felt weird, like why am I not freaking out, dying for a smoke...?.  I was very busy, which helped for sure, Then the evening came...that time of day where I would pour a glass of wine and begin to relax...the sky fell.  I was losing my mind, jittery, couldn’t focus, having that cigarette was all I could think about.  I forgot about all the avenues of support available to me but I tried to get busy again, I broke out the paint and painted some touch up spots through the house, scrubbed grout in the bathrooms, did laundry, the list goes on and at the end went outside had 2 cigarettes 1 after the other, a huge head rush, then a head ache, then went to bed. 
    When I woke up on Day 2, I went straight to my journal wrote down what did and didn’t happen, stopped beating myself up and regrouped for the day, after all I had gone 21 hours without a cigarette and that deserved a pat on the back.  
    As the day progressed it was very different from Day 1, I had on and off cravings all day, not crazy cravings, like the one the night before but more moderate, more like a wave, creeping in and then ebbing out.  Than 7 pm hit - oh geez, here we go again - it’s like nothing I have experienced in my life! Anyways, long story short 2 more back to back, starting over today.  
    What I realized at 3am, not sleeping, was that I had completely overlooked my supports that I had put I place, this forum, the family & friends, I reached out to no one.  Silly girl.  
    Starting Day 3 with a red elastic band on my wrist to snap whenever I get a craving, I will snap it (ouch) but that will remind to reach out! I hope lol. It’s crazy how crazy I become! 
    Anyways that’s my progress, I will keep writing. L.
  2. justfortoday
    justfortoday avatar
    168 posts
    Registered:
    12 Aug 2019
    04 Jan in reply to lisa aubin
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    Hey Lisa!

    You are doing all the right things and I'm happy you aren't beating yourself up. Every freaking hour is an accomplishment as far as I'm concerned!

    Those first few days are tricky... I truly thought I was going to turn inside out! I remember driving to a meeting and I cried (full on ugly crying crazy lady screaming) all the way there, and then all the way home again.

    Quitting smoking is hard. Getting a handle on our addiction is hard. Breaking the emotional dependency is hard. And the freedom we gain each hour we don't smoke is so empowering.

    You sound like a smart cookie ... support systems in place, reflecting on what's working and what isn't... I really believe you are going to be successful, lisa.

    You got this!

  3. lisa aubin
    lisa aubin avatar
    8 posts
    Registered:
    27 Dec 2019
    05 Jan in reply to justfortoday
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    Hey thank you! I seem to be doing ok - I am smoking a night, just the 2. If that’s what it is for now then I am okay with that. I had my 2 tonight and now I am done and seem to be totally ok with that.  It’s strange but it’s better than where I was was.  I start back at the gym tomorrow after a couple months off, I’ll get this week under my belt and then set a date to be rid of my 2 a day - of course in the meantime if that happens naturally than perfect. Have a great night and thank you for your kind and encouraging words! L.
3 posts, 0 answered