27 Dec 2019
04 Jan 2020
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Day 1 - I got through the day surprisingly without too much difficulty, it felt weird, like why am I not freaking out, dying for a smoke...?. I was very busy, which helped for sure, Then the evening came...that time of day where I would pour a glass of wine and begin to relax...the sky fell. I was losing my mind, jittery, couldn’t focus, having that cigarette was all I could think about. I forgot about all the avenues of support available to me but I tried to get busy again, I broke out the paint and painted some touch up spots through the house, scrubbed grout in the bathrooms, did laundry, the list goes on and at the end went outside had 2 cigarettes 1 after the other, a huge head rush, then a head ache, then went to bed.
When I woke up on Day 2, I went straight to my journal wrote down what did and didn’t happen, stopped beating myself up and regrouped for the day, after all I had gone 21 hours without a cigarette and that deserved a pat on the back.
As the day progressed it was very different from Day 1, I had on and off cravings all day, not crazy cravings, like the one the night before but more moderate, more like a wave, creeping in and then ebbing out. Than 7 pm hit - oh geez, here we go again - it’s like nothing I have experienced in my life! Anyways, long story short 2 more back to back, starting over today.
What I realized at 3am, not sleeping, was that I had completely overlooked my supports that I had put I place, this forum, the family & friends, I reached out to no one. Silly girl.
Starting Day 3 with a red elastic band on my wrist to snap whenever I get a craving, I will snap it (ouch) but that will remind to reach out! I hope lol. It’s crazy how crazy I become!
Anyways that’s my progress, I will keep writing. L.