Forums / The day to day / Morning coffee and smoking- day 14

Morning coffee and smoking- day 14

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  1. kit
    kit avatar
    84 posts
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    18 Apr 2019
    08 Jan
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    Hi Efram
    Thank you for cheering me on and your support and very wise advice. Sometimes it feels harder to live smoke free then those first few days /weeks of with drawl. And yes- ATP was right. Now the hard part is living life as a non smoker. There are days now where I feel so relieved that I have quit smoking (one day at a time) The anxiety I used to carry around re having a recurrence of breast cancer and the fact I started smoking again was CRIPPLING !!! Although both times my breast cancer was caught quite early- just the fact that I started smoking again felt INSANE. My husband said he could not believe that my cancer was caught quite early- that in itself is a gift -but yet I would continue to smoke.... I get it. A cancer diagnosis ( for me anyways) was/is devastating. And in the past - the only way I knew how to cope with anxiety and grief was to smoke. Now that I am cigarette free (one day at a  time) I have to find ways to cope other than smoking ! THAT IS HARD BUT DOABLE ( not sure if doable is even a word) small steps. 
    Thanks Efram- I cant begin to tell you how much this Forum has helped and supported me ! I will let you know when I find my new coping skills - Kit
  2. atp
    atp avatar
    449 posts
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    31 Dec 2018
    08 Jan in reply to kit
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    Kit,

    Pretty amazing that you are through 2 months since you quit. I'm really proud of you for getting this far, and impressed with how well you've managed to keep your mood up. 

    You know one motivator for me around my second month was my wife came up one day before bed and gave me a hug and she just kind of took a deep whiff and smiling she said I smelled nice. Back when i smoked there were so many times I delayed going to bed because I needed one last smoke., well that night we both went up to bed pretty quick....Sometimes you just need to look for the small things. 

    I lost my younger brother to colon cancer 7 years ago (he was 40), on top of my older sister having had breast cancer at 40 6 years earlier (double mastectomy and she is still fine today) and I got scared, but not scared enough to quit smoking. Terrible addiction. 

    One of my mentors here, Treepeo, was diagnosed with cancer that had metastasized and I quote her "Even though my cancer has metastasized, I am not going to give up.  I will continue to fight"  so that I can enjoy life for as long as possible.  And I have a much better chance of doing that now that I am a non-smoker."

    So thank your lucky stars and make the most of every smoke free day you have. 
  3. efram, quit coach
    efram, quit coach avatar
    169 posts
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    29 Nov 2017
    08 Jan in reply to kit
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    Hi Kit,

    You are most welcome. We know how important this is to you, so we will do whatever we can to help you to keep standing tall and strong -- following your lead, of course!

    And yes, finding new ways to cope is quite doable (pretty sure that IS a word!). It may be hard, but from where I stand it seems like a fantastic, exciting growth opportunity!!!  



  4. kit
    kit avatar
    84 posts
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    18 Apr 2019
    12 Jan in reply to atp
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    Thanks atp
    Im sorry to hear about your brother and seems your sister and myself have had  a similar journey with breast cancer. Its hard. I found I smoked more the 2 times I was diagnosed- the insanity of smoking- and yet it gave me so much comfort - but if one really deconstructs the whole smoking thing-its really a false comfort and for sure it does not last. Living without cigarettes is REALLY HARD smoking is not an option. I have chatted briefly with treepeo- AN INSPIRATION !
    Its putting other things in place- thatis hard but it WILL come. For sure there are longer periods of time I dont think about it. First was seconds- then minutes- now hours ! Thanks atp  
    Kit - ps Thats the best- your right - not smelling of smoke. I still have cravings all the time but the intensity of the whole QUIT SMOKING and the fear is less- not a lot- just a little ( dont want to jinx it)
  5. kit
    kit avatar
    84 posts
    Registered:
    18 Apr 2019
    12 Jan in reply to efram, quit coach
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    Hi Efram
    I really like the growth opportunity thing  you speak of. ITS HUGE to quit smoking ! It is CRAZY- at least to me that I knew full well how self destructive smoking  was - yet  to continue  even after a diagnosis of breast cancer- feels like insanity ! But the wall or the amount of denial I must of created every time I smoked is astounding !
    Filling that time is hard !  When you spoke  about Growth Opportunities - I looked at other areas in my life where I would repeat that pattern. That denial of the truth. Sorry all a bit abstract but for sure to continue smoking ( for me ) would probably be not as enjoyable as I can see the whole picture ! Thanks Efram - Kit  ps- Yup its doable !
  6. kit
    kit avatar
    84 posts
    Registered:
    18 Apr 2019
    20 Jan in reply to kit
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    Day 73- no cigarettes - feeling bored of counting days and numbers and triggers -and making sure I have gum in case of bad craving ! Got an email  from Smokers Hotline- was really nice and so true. First couple months lots of hoop-lah- I was so excited that I may actually make it through first couple months- and I have and honestly coming up to three months feels really hard - like first week. I have heard three's are hard-3 days -3 weeks- 3 months. I was watching a Ted Talk and a Doctor was talking about a women who wanted to start smoking again-just to feel her lungs. I get that, and also get that I would regret it- BIG TIME if I started smoking again. Back to crappy tv for couple days. Having a pity party. Hope all had a good day ! Kit
  7. atp
    atp avatar
    449 posts
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    31 Dec 2018
    21 Jan in reply to kit
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    Kit,

    The 3 month thing happens to a lot of quitters.

    It's almost like burnout is setting in. you have been battling this addiction and are tried of it, and it doesn't feel like it will ever end. 

    But, you are over the physical addiction if you went cold turkey (even using NRT's you are probably easing back), and the real source of your cravings - the mental/habit addiction is starting to wane.  Its kind of the last kick at the can for the addict in your head because your dopamine levels are returning to normal. 

    What I found was that after month 3 with that last great mental meltdown I started to feel a lot better as a non-smoker - the cravings faded, and in general I didn't think about smoking as much. 

    You're going to change your focus from counting days to looking forward to the next milestone -3 months, 6 months, etc. 

    You just need to push through the next little while and focus on learning how to be a non-smoker. 
  8. justfortoday
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    165 posts
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    12 Aug 2019
    21 Jan in reply to kit
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    Hi Kit!

    I totally validate how you're feeling! The three month mark for me was brutal! I was totally thrown off by the intense cravings (I think I even posted something about this).

    As atp says, it's almost like that addicted part of our brain is desperately is begging us to smoke … just give up on the quit! So happy you're not!

    As well, counting the days, weeks, hours etc., started to irritate me. It just seemed that I was telling myself, "okay … I'm at day 63, or day 72 … I can do another day." This was useful in the beginning, but it started to take my focus away from being a non-smoker to nsomeone who has abstained from smoking for a certain number of days. And I stopped counting. I know that I'm coming up to five months, but unless I do the math, I have no clue how many days since my last cigarette.

    I can say this … after the three month point there is a shift and I can honestly say with conviction that I will never smoke again. As a matter of fact I sometimes look back and see myself smoking and it just feels so foreign to me now.

    So as always, be proud and keep doing everything you're doing. You totally got this, my quit friend!
  9. kit
    kit avatar
    84 posts
    Registered:
    18 Apr 2019
    22 Jan in reply to justfortoday
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    Hi justfortoday
    WOW - THANK YOU. I so needed to hear that ! Especially the part about a shift sometime after the 3 month period. Yes- The cravings are brutal. I rush home after work and check my quit calculator - my thinking about smoking 24/7 has returned. But if I play the tape all the way to the end- I WOULD SO REGRET IT.... Thanks you really helped me- supported ! 
69 posts, 0 answered