12 Sep 2020
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I am so tired of smoking. It is a horrible addiction...and even thinking about it makes me want to step outside and have a cigarette, which I will because tomorrow is my quit date. My Mom passed away with COPD, Choosing to smoke when there is a horrible pandemic going on that involves a respiratory problem, makes me extremely afraid and so I don't go anywhere or do anything. I hate how it controls me and I am bothered every time I give into it. It makes me more depressed and keeps me smoking because of the guilt I feel. I feel so much better when I don't smoke and I have tried several times in the past to stop. I have been successful for different time periods but always go back. It is my reward system and I have gotten so used to using it to deal with stress, I don't know how to deal with stress without it. I don't like the anger I feel when I quit (it is like all of my frustrations that I have suppressed comes up) and I go back to smoking to numb it. I know this is the real crutch because overwhelming emotions frighten me and I don't know what to do with them. I have to find different ways to reward myself and also find ways to deal with unwanted, suppressed emotions. When I can do this, I know that my chances of quitting for good will be better. If anyone has experienced the same thing, and has suggestions that have helped, please let me know. I wish the greatest success for everyone on here trying to quit and remaining smoke free.