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Who am I without smoking?

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. jac
    jac avatar
    2 posts
    11 Dec 2018
    21 Dec 2018
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    Hi everyone.  Isn't it crazy how unacceptable smoking is nowadays compared to 20 years ago?  You would think it should be easy to quit... nottt.  This is so powerful and such a habit implanted in my brain that I cannot shake..  Reading everyone's stories and realizing its not just me being weak helps a lot.  I quit 2 weeks ago.  However if zombie apocalypse occurs I would definitely light up. ;)  Until then the battle continues.  I cry a lot, take walks(which is different and nicer than hanging out in the garage smoking), I put a lot more emphasis on eating in fact I have to have something to eat or a toothpick all the time.   I need to get rid of the carton of cigarettes here.  At first it was comforting knowing that I could smoke if i chose to.  Now I'm worried I might just have a bad day and just grab one.  

    I told my daughter who is in second year nursing and she said she was really happy and sent me a chart to show what is happening and being repaired in my body.  That was really cool.  And more cool that she hasn't brought it up since.. Good girl. she either knows me well or probably thinks I can't quit anyway. LOL

    I haven't told my family yet. Nobody else smokes and it would just be annoying listening to ohhh you can do it and then talking about how proud they are of me.  Which they should not be because I am struggling and I don't want to fail.  They will notice that I'm not putting my coat on and going outdoors to smoke at Christmas and I will have to tell them and I'm soo stressed about that.  I don't know why. You would think I would want support and congratulations, but I don't think they can support me.  In my mind, they will think ... oh look she quit, that's that... good for her and thats all done.

    I must say I'm quite sad to read that people are having trouble after a month.  Omg if I can get to a month I think I would be soooo happy, but knowing that it's still super hard is discouraging.

    This has been the longest 2 weeks ever and I'm not even sure who I am without smoking. This should be easy in the winter, but it's not.  

    In 2 weeks I am going with friends and family for a caribbean vacation.  My favorite part of going south was smoking everywhere.  on the beach, outside, by the pool.  Read a book, have a smoke, go for a swim, have a smoke, try to play volleyball or pool aerobics,, but wait I'm winded.. have to go... hmm maybe have a smoke.  Meeting other random smokers who are standing around an ashtray away from the crowd.  Ever notice that you're immediately friends with other smokers?

    If you're still reading.  Thanks! Hopefully I can be awesome and inspiring to someone else some day.   I feel better just writing this.  :)
  2. treepeo
    treepeo avatar
    832 posts
    29 Nov 2017
    21 Dec 2018
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    Hi jac,

    I want to congratulate you for your two smoke free weeks.  I know you're struggling big time.  Quitting is so tough to do.  But just because you're struggling doesn't mean you shouldn't be proud of yourself for making it this far.  You should be really, really proud of yourself.  Making it through these first two weeks is a REALLY BIG DEAL!!!  You are going through hell but you are sticking it out.  That shows that you are strong, determined and committed.  And if you have made it this far, you can make it all the way.

    When I first quit, I too struggled with the idea of whether or not I wanted to tell people.  My hesitation was two fold.  For one thing, I also thought that people would just say great and get on with it, and that would be it.  I also worried because telling someone else would make it somehow more real, and I knew I would feel even more pressure not to fail.  But you know what?  Only one person was dismissive of my efforts, and that person was not someone who was important to me anyway.  Everyone else was super supportive.  My boss high-fived me every second day for weeks.  My good friend, who quit 10 years earlier, stopped work whenever I needed her, and she listened to what I was going through that day, and then told me about her own experiences.  I found that the support of my family and friends, and the support of everyone here on this site, were a lifeline for me.  Now you may not have the same experience as I did, but I just wanted you to know that that is what happened to me when I made the decision to tell people I quit.

    I don't know where you stay when you go away, but I have gone to Mexico four times in the past years, and I have found that hardly anyone smokes nowadays.  And you certainly could not smoke by the pool, or even on a lot of the grounds.  So when I smoked, I found myself skulking around just like I did here at home.

    Here's the good news.  One of the things I absolutely love about being a non-smoker is the fact that going to the airport does not give me high anxiety any more.  I used to be so stressed, and would go into the airport at the last minute, freaking out about how I would get through all of that time without smoking.  In fact, I stressed out about that weeks before my trip.  But not any more.  Nope, now I go in, get through security, and can eat, have a coffee, shop, and remain stress free because my lungs do not ache with longing.  I'm telling you, jac, that's a beautiful thing.

    I hope you stick with it, jac, because quitting is so worth it.  It is a little bit of pain for a lifetime of gain.  You will no longer have smoke breath and stinky clothes.  You will lose your smoker's cough.   You will stop getting so winded.  You won't have to stand alone smoking while other people pass you by getting on with their lives.  You will gain back so much time that you previously wasted on smoking.  And you will save a ton of money as well.

    You deserve to live a smoke free life, jac.  Be good to yourself.  And remember NOPE, Not One Puff Ever.
  3. marianne, quit coach
    marianne, quit coach avatar
    278 posts
    30 Nov 2017
    22 Dec 2018
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    Hello Jac,

    First off, congratulations on your 2 week success!  Treepeo said it so nicely,  a moment to be real proud of yourself- showing your dedication and endurance. 

    Your right that the smoking habit/pattern can be so ingrained on a mental and physical level.  However, the good news is that the cycle can stop for good!  As you shared, it is good to know that others have their moments of challenge so you are definitely not alone in that regard.   And don't be discouraged if people share that after a month, the cravings can still surface.  As it takes some time to get accustomed to a new lifestyle, it will come.  Everyone is unique and finding distractions that fit at various times in the day takes some more time brainstorm and try out.  Along with adapting to your new identity as a non-smoker.  

    Overall, you are so self aware, knowing you have to have something in your mouth consistently.  Needing to get rid of the carton you have.  And preparing yourself for your Caribbean vacation.  Sounds like you are quite active to begin with and just having to fill in the gaps between transitioning between your fun.  Breaking the thought that smoking has to be something you do in between tasks/hobbies, etc.  Inviting you to share your thoughts of what you think you focus on when those thoughts of smoking come while you are away.

    Have an amazing week ahead and away, such a well-deserved time for you!  Looking forward to hearing your journey further.  


  4. eagerquit
    eagerquit avatar
    414 posts
    07 Mar 2018
    24 Dec 2018
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    Hi Jac,

    Congratulations on two weeks smoke free and on reading through these forums for hints and suggestions. There are a lot of very good ideas for staying smoke free here. I too was the last hold out in my family, the sole lonely smoker in the clan, and I must underline lonely because the retreats outside for a smoke were all by myself.

    My family initially made a big deal of my quit and that was important support for me. I realized how I was actually hurting them with their knowledge that I was shortening my life and could die before any of them. They were shocked when I had to go through a major heart surgery so quitting was vital. After a while they took it for granted that I am a non smoker and the hullabaloo then passed. You might find your family's interest at first is overwhelming but it was an important part of my quit. Yours might regard it as the best Christmas present you could give them.

    Enjoy the Caribbean vacation with your family. Staying busy with them in their events will give you little time for stewing about smoking.

    Give away your remaining smokes. They were a temptation you do not need.

    Wishing you every success.


4 posts, 0 answered