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My journey having not quit yet.

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  1. trgrhappy
    trgrhappy avatar
    3 posts
    Registered:
    04 Sep 2023
    04 Sep 2023
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    I am quasi spiritual/religious and I feel I am addicted to purchasing cigarettes and view owning them, managing them and smoking them as something to do that I am accomplishing. Instead of feeling underwhelmed by my personality (and I am being treated for schizoeffective) I feel I am coping and feel overwhelmed with suffering throughout the day. Now that sounds like alot but I am speaking my mind in the present moment as I am typing.

    I started smoking around 18 or 19. I am 33. I can barely afford to smoke. I have tried group seminars, 1 on 1 counselling, patches, losenges, just buying gum and throwing out my cigarettes. I feel like it's impossible and can't get past that subconcious attitude. On my quit days I feel that the there is nothing for me to do and I will fall into a nihistic void if I don't start smoking again.

    My plan is to: 1. Smoke outside. 2. Cut back for 6 weeks, from 35 to 30 to 25 to 20 to 15 to 10 then quit. Let me know if you think I should try other numbers. By putting them in ziplock bags. 
    3. Read a book called Quit and Stay Quit, which has one keep a journal of questions it asks of one. 
    4. On quit day, start doing the standard advice, keep busy, take deep breaths when I have a craving, distract myself when I have a craving through fast acting nicotine therapy, use the patch, snack on healthy snacks, take walks, throw out butts, ash trays, lighters, do something with my hands.

    It's almost like I'm attracted to cigarettes through sense desire and see them as a desirable special object. I am not allowed to smoke in my apartment. So when winter comes I'd like to have stopped by then.

    I think marijuana was a bit of a gateway to cigarettes, my parents smoke, my sister used to smoke, now my neighbors smoke. The time has come for me to make a choice of health vs temporary contenment and illusion of satisfaction and thoughts of happiness, for real change.
  2. trgrhappy
    trgrhappy avatar
    3 posts
    Registered:
    04 Sep 2023
    04 Sep 2023
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    To rephrase the first couple paragraphs so it is more understandable and I doin't sound so weird. I am Buddhist and it sort of going against the Buddhist wisdom to smoke. I smoke alot and feel I am toying with a drug I do not fully understand, and have been doing so unskillfully for over 10 years. What I meant by void is when I do throw out my cigarettes in an attempt to quit I immediately start smoking again because I feel there is nothing for me to enjoy life with and my life would be vein without this coping mechanism and sickness of addiction. Also, there is an empty reality of feeling the need to buy them at my local convenience store where I feel like I am getting a good deal and I am in possession of somsething very valuable which will bring relief and that I should be doing it. Also I feel like I am almost psychologically and sensually attracted to the look and physical sensation of the cigarette withouto having smoked it. I like having the pack. I like having the carton.

    Throwing them out hasn't worked. That's for people who have read Alan Carr's Easy Way to Quit smoking. Doesn't work for me. I have to cut back I think.

    Any thoughts would be appreciated.
  3. trgrhappy
    trgrhappy avatar
    3 posts
    Registered:
    04 Sep 2023
    04 Sep 2023
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    To continue with what I meant I mean I really really get a reeling that there is NOTHING TO DO other than to play video games and then when I want a break from video games I will have to have a cigarette.

    Secondly I feel that I am attracted to cigarettes themselves. As in they are inherently worth while objects/items. Maybe this is just when I find a loose when in my apartment somewhere.

    So to recap:

    Smoke outside, cut back, read my book, set a quit day and be done done and done with poisoning myself.
  4. karen, quit coach
    karen, quit coach avatar
    44 posts
    Registered:
    09 Nov 2022
    05 Sep 2023
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    Hi trghappy,

    Thank you for sharing. You have done a lot of reflecting, and you have a good understanding of your smoking habit as well as a good understanding of how to prepare for a quit. Smoking can be associated with pleasure and comfort, that is correct. Like any toxic relationship, the one with nicotine can be overcome. Changing your relationship with smoking can help you break the cycle of addiction. Quitting might seem like an impossible feat, but remember, you can be successful. You have a good solid plan. Stick to the plan, reach out for support and never quit quitting. Don't give up on your journey to be smoke free. 
4 posts, 0 answered