29 Nov 2017
30 Jan 2018
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Hi Briefree, so good that you quipped your anger and didn't reach for a smoke. I know in the past that I've used anger to self sabotage and it sucks! I'm aware of it though, so I'm determined not to do it this time, I think I'm finally maturing at 55, lol!
I got my energy back today, in a big way! I took today off on a whim as last night I realized that I had so much 'house-keeping' to do because I hadn't done much for over two weeks, just eating and sleeping and going to work, until I had a hit of the stomach flu this past weekend. I bought 28 more Patches, and tape, and then I bought a diffuser for essential oils. It was on sale and my daughter stole hers back last week. So this was my special reward (and heaps more chocolate that I've put away)! I'm airing out my bedroom now, windows open, lovely.
I had a pivotal moment this afternoon, I foud a whole cigarette under the couch. I literally held it for about 10 seconds with racing thoughts going through my mind because I was craving. I tore it up into pieces and threw it out, but after I was shaky and anxious. So that's when I went out shopping and bought the Patches and Diffuser. I'm still anxious though and it's been hours since.
It really bothered me that I couldn't reward myself with a cigarette break as I cleaned and came in from the store. I was driven to disinfect and clean the house, but I was also angry that I couldn't sit down between chores. I mean, who likes to clean without rewards? Haha, ya, I know what you're thinking, they'll be rewards tomorrow when I come home to a clean house ... but I want instant gratification, so I feel let down and irritated.
Anyway, Day 16 is almost over. I hope I calm down enough to sleep in a bit. I'm not sleepy at all, I've got nervous energy trying to distract myself. It should be an easy day tomorrow because I'm back at work.
Cheers all, chin up and keep on plugging away an inch at a time. It'll be worth it soon.