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Ocean's journey

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  1. treepeo
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    Yippee Ocean, you are getting it done!  So proud of you!

    Hang in there.  You won't feel so tired and lethargic forever.  It will get better.  You still need time to adjust.  But you are doing great.
  2. ocean
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    Update:
    I ended up with a version of the stomach flu yesterday and still today.  I didn't get as sick as the rest of  my students but have bad cramping, etc ...  So I'm at home in bed, a little bored, a lot off.  I honestly can't beleive the sleep I've been needing.  I literally doze for 45 minute chunks repeatedly, then sleep all night!  I forgot to take the Patch off last night and had a dream where I met all of these foreign parents speaking in their native languages to me about their kids Individual Education Plans for next year, it was so bizarre!!
    This used to be called Heck Week (2nd week of a quit), but it's been harder than the 1st week with the fatigue and lethargy.
    I've had three major urges where I fleetingly but desperately thought of having a cigarette.  All three involved hunger.  I saw my ashtray and flung the butts out, the next one was where I had a cigarette butt in my car and flung it out, and the last one I didn't have any anywhere.  I got rid of all temptations.

    Other than those moments, I've been holding steady.  I'm feeling a bit deprived, but I always feel deprived when I'm not well, so nothing new there.  Just waiting for my stomach to let up, killing time until it does, and tryng to think up a distraction I can do while resting.
    Take care everyone.
    And I was thinking that I hadn't officially thanked you all.  But I feel it from the bottom of my heart!  And I apologize for moaning today, it's real life here ...
    Treepeo, do you remember feeling this way?  You have so many memories, do you remember feeling like a moaner?
  3. ocean
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    Day 13 and feeling angry!  I have all of this pent up frustration and want to grind my teeth.  It's been a hard 24 hours.
  4. lillian, quit coach
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    Hi Ocean,

    I hope it's passed? How 've you been managing?

    Let us know,
    Lillian
  5. ocean
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    Hi Everyone,
    It's Sunday, Day 14 early evening.  Today was a much smoother day, very enjoyable and lazy, but not bored lazy.  I wore my Patch and only had 2 pieces of NRT gum, as it varies from day to day.  But I've been using less this past week and still have a huge supply left.  I haven't had any urgent craves or repeated clusters of craves today and I'm smiling like a Cheshire cat that they do indeed stop, and that I plowed through some intense hours over the weekend, but none today.  THEY DO STOP!  Wowee!
    I went to the shops last night and picked up some chocolates as my reward.  I've been nibbling on them all day!  I've also saved just over $200.00 which will proudly go to my new  car payment, lol!  I'm hoping my Bill Payments will be paid in full this month.
    My best distraction has been reading.  I will go for two hour periods not thinking of cigarettes and smoking and I love when this happens, I can't wait till this happens all of the time.
    My confidence has shot up these last two weeks.  It was a 3/10, and now it's a good 7.5/10.  And I only drink a one coffee in the morning, I might need 2 tomorrow because I can't nap.  But I survived the week!
    Week 3 starts tomorrow. Keep going brave warriors!
  6. marianne, quit coach
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    Hello Ocean,

    So happy to hear of your relief!  Your confidence soaring- fantastic!  Chocolate is so rewarding, with you.  And the money- such a bonus.  Reading is so great as the words/story captures you.  

    Have a fulfilling 3rd week!  

    Marianne
  7. ocean
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    Day 15 10pm
    I did okay today but I'm craving now.  I youtubed a few video's to kill the time, but I got irritated by titles that said:  Quit Smoking Now, or Quit Smoking Easy, blah blah blah ...  It's hard to maintain your commitment, but I do and I will for the rest of tonight.  I feel I've fought hard these last 2 weeks and I can't waste it.  Smoking is not the solution tonight, and a 5 minute hit will only last me about an hour anyway.  I don't feel any health benefits yet, but I was lucky in that I didn't feel like I was seriously compromised yet either.  But it worsened naturally ageing processes like arthritis in my knee's, re-current kidney stones, and I was starting to have a higher cholesterol reading.  So these issues will take time to heal, and breathing better will probably be noticed in a few months.  I just won't smoke tonight and I won't even think about how long I can go without smoking because that sounds too hard at the moment.  I can only deal with this crave, right now.  I am handling and I can cope with this crave right now!  Bless you all brave warriors!
    Ocean
  8. treepeo
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    You know, Ocean, when I first quit, I told myself that I would not be mean to people no matter how I felt, and that I would try not to complain about what I was going through, either.  So when I was at work, I was positively giddy.  I was determined to be cheerful, and I really threw myself into work with a passion, as I would do anything to keep myself distracted.  But when I got home, it was a different story, and I poured my heart out on this site.  That is what this site is here for.  We all go through a lot of the same stuff, and we all need each other's support.

    I get how tired you are feeling, because I definitely went through that.  I woke up 2 to 3 times a night, and it just made things so much worse.  That is why I napped when I could, because it was the only way for me to get any decent sleep.  It's really tough, but it won't last forever.  I found that after my first month, I started sleeping normally again.

    And Ocean, feel free to moan and groan as often as you like!  This quitting process is not easy, and I think we should all do what we need to do to get through it.  I applaud you for getting rid of the last vestiges of smoking by throwing out those butts.  Who needs 'em?  You are breaking this addiction for good.  Hang in there, and I hope you feel better soon.
  9. ocean
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    Awe, thanks Treepeo, you are eternally positive and upbeat, something I'd like to be all of the time.  I can get nasty in my moments in a moany type of way, poor me ....  I feel frustrated with myself when it happens, haha.  
  10. brieffree
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    Dear ocean

    Hang in there, you are going to be ok, just distract yourself with something to get rid of the crave.

    You can do it! Trust me
    Today I get mud at work and for few minutes I was looking for someone for a smoke, then I figure out that I was slipping into the crave and get distracted doing something and it goes away.

    After few minutes I said an other Victory Won!
    Is all about to train your self to quit!

    Not even a Puff
    Last modified on 30 Jan 2018 18:42 by brieffree
  11. ocean
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    Hi Briefree, so good that you quipped your anger and didn't reach for a smoke.  I know in the past that I've used anger to self sabotage and it sucks!  I'm aware of it though, so I'm determined not to do it this time, I think I'm finally maturing at 55, lol!

    I got my energy back today, in a big way!  I took today off on a whim as last night I realized that I had so much 'house-keeping' to do because I hadn't done much for over two weeks, just eating and sleeping and going to work, until I had a hit of the stomach flu this past weekend.  I bought 28 more Patches, and tape, and then I bought a diffuser for essential oils.  It was on sale and my daughter stole hers back last week.  So this was my special reward (and heaps more chocolate that I've put away)!  I'm airing out my bedroom now, windows open, lovely.

    I had a pivotal moment this afternoon, I foud a whole cigarette under the couch.  I literally held it for about 10 seconds with racing thoughts going through my mind because I was craving.  I tore it up into pieces and threw it out, but after I was shaky and anxious.  So that's when I went out shopping and bought the Patches and Diffuser.  I'm still anxious though and it's been hours since.

    It really bothered me that I couldn't reward myself with a cigarette break as I cleaned and came in from the store.  I was driven to disinfect and clean the house, but I was also angry that I couldn't sit down between chores.  I mean, who likes to clean without rewards?  Haha, ya, I know what you're thinking, they'll be rewards tomorrow when I come home to a clean house ... but I want instant gratification, so I feel let down and irritated.

    Anyway, Day 16 is almost over.  I hope I calm down enough to sleep in a bit.  I'm not sleepy at all, I've got nervous energy trying to distract myself.  It should be an easy day tomorrow because I'm back at work.

    Cheers all, chin up and keep on plugging away an inch at a time.  It'll be worth it soon.
    Ocean


  12. treepeo
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    I know what you mean about rewards, Ocean.  For me, I used to sit and have a coffee and a cigarette as my reward.  Now, I just have the coffee (I love coffee, my other addiction!).  And you know what?  It's okay.  That alone now feels like my reward.  I no longer even think of having a smoke.

    You will get to that point, just give it time.  And enjoy your spic and span house tomorrow!
  13. ocean
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    OMG guys, I just had a slip, and it was so good and terrible at the same time and I'm scared and sad that I won't get to do this again.  I feel like I'm in mourning now and I wasn't in mourning before the slip.  I called SHO, and I wanted the quit coach to tell me what to do and fix me and the situation as I was panicky about it.  But she couldn't,  so I i felt worse, and then got so sad about this whole smoking situation.  I have 23 cigarettes left and I'm going to drown them in the sink as I'm settling down now, just so sad.  It was so lovely to inhale and exhale the smoke, that scares the crap out of me.

    I forgot to put the Patch on this morning and forgot my lunch as I was running late for work this morning.   But I did okay all day, no cravings until I got in my car to drive the 45 minute ride home and was dying to feel the sensory inhale and exhale.  I didn't use my handy nicorette gum or spray, I was angry at always tasting minty things, and I'd been chewing mint gum all day.

    I was such an idiot.  And I'm starving now with a headache from the cigarette.  My only hope is that I have a meeting tonight, so I'll be occupied, and I'm sure once I eat, I'll feel satisfied.  Okay I just flushed them in the sink, no more.  I won't let myself have any more, and I'm wearing a Patch now.  I can't let this turn into a relapse.

    This is so hard.  It's such a hard habit to break.

    I've got to be a brave warrior, but it's scared me.

    Carry on everyone, I'm in spirit with you.

    Ocean
  14. treepeo
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    Hi Ocean,

    Stuff happens.  I know you were getting really sick of all that mint flavour, and I think that helped you to justify getting smokes on some level.  And I can understand the love of inhaling and exhaling.  That is what we did all of our lives, so of course we are attached to the ritual.  Damn, it's a real love hate relationship, isn't it?

    Try not to be so hard on yourself.  The important thing is that you destroyed the rest of them, and you are going to carry on.  To my mind, you are still at the number of days you had under your belt before this very minor little slip.  One cigarette does not negate all of the hard work and effort you have put in thus far, so just keep going.  You will be okay.

    Remember, Ocean, you are stronger than your addiction.  You are a survivor.  You are smart and determined, and you are going to be triumphant.  I have faith in you.  Hang tough, my friend.  Victory is yours for the taking.  Believe in yourself.
  15. ocean
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    Hi treepeo,
    I'm having the strong craves again today, the 4-5 pm ones are my downfall.  Only today I sucked in deep breathes, and had drinks and things to feel my throat and then used the inhaler once I was home.  And it's working!  And I've been in a great mood the last few days and have energy again, but I forgot about those after work craves when I leave the building.  Sometimes they're so strong, and I think it's positive stress and not actual nic fits.  It's like I can turn off and coast deep sighing or something exciting because the day was good, and done, and I felt successful ... then what?

    Now the scary part was that cigarette felt sooo good.  That's what made me sad, the fact that it was good and that I couldn't continue on with it, which made me feel mournful, like "this really is it", or a "break-up".

    Almost three weeks done, I'm on Day 19.  And it's good to know that one day I'll be happy with just a coffee, and not both.  And that it will feel normal.  

    Thanks again Treepeo,
    Ocean

  16. brieffree
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    Hello Ocean, Treepeo

    I know people that quitting this Ugly habit is sometimes hard as it seem, but thinking in the relationship with the smoke like a friend is just wrong as I used to think until I quit! It was just my Addiction to it so strong that I was totally blind, that I couldn't see that was killing me. 

    Know after a long run I still crave, but I do not fail into. I do all that is on my power to get rid of that feeling.

    I think that you Ocean are going Great! All you feel is Normal. Your body miss that Demon, Just do not let it win the Battle!

    Congrats in 19 Smoke free day's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you can do it.
  17. ocean
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    02 Feb 2018 in reply to brieffree
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    Oh I know Brieffree,
    I'd never thought of a cigarette habit as an emotional relationship, ever.  So I was surprised yesterday.  I think because it was so good and a satisfying smoke, unlike when you smoke all the time.  And I was sad that I felt I had to let an enjoyable thing go.  But normally I don't feel that, and I don't feel that today.  But in that moment, I felt sad that I wouldn't experience that pleasure again.
    This darned addiction is infuriating.
  18. brieffree
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    Hi Ocean

    That part, has helps me build more confidence ones I figure out that I was wrong thinking in that way. And change.

    One trigger at the time!

    I believe No Matter how, if you are still free, you are a winner to the freedom!
  19. ocean
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    THREE WEEKS DONE!!!  And I'm having the longest, most boring weekend.  I constantly feel like I need to smoke, as if I'm constantly hungry.  But, 21 days done.  I can't wait till I stop feeling like this.
  20. treepeo
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    Three whole weeks!  Way to go, Ocean!  That's terrific!

    Stay the course, one inch at a time.  It probably won't be long now before your mind and body start really letting go of the addiction.  I know that for me, it took a month.  After that, things changed dramatically for the better.

    You have come so far, Ocean.  Hang tough, you can do this!  I am really rooting for you!
  21. marianne, quit coach
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    Hello Ocean,

    3 weeks behind you- way to go!  With respect to boredom, days can certainly feel long.  You seem to be good with distractions.  Maybe more variety you think?  Do you change your scenery often- like get fresh air and travel around a bit walk/run/drive?  Sometimes days just feel longer than others. 

    Hopefully with the week ahead, it will be better.  

    Keep us posted and check in often.  

    Marianne
  22. ocean
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    Hi Marianne, you're right, this time of year can get boring on weekends.  I picked up some spicey butter chicken tonight, to "spice up" my taste buds.  It was so nice to have someone else make it!  I'll have to get out of the house next weekend.  Maybe window shop and speed walk around the malls for a bit.
    There's an ongoing winter festival in my city over the next couple of weeks, I usually love it, but missed it last year.  I'll make some plans with some friends this weekend and hopefully meet up downtown.  I haven't been too social lately, I need to stretch my wings and get inspired.
    I spent an hour in a bookstore this evening and picked up 5 new books to read, that was my three week celebration!
    Take care everyone.  What do you do on cold winter weekends to get out of the house?
    Ocean
  23. treepeo
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    Hi Ocean,

    On cold winter weekends, I sometimes check the internet to see if the museum or the art gallery have any special displays that I want to see.  Or I check the movie listings.  Alternately, I will meet someone for lunch or dinner, although in the winter I prefer lunch, because I really don't like being out in the cold when it's dark.  Somehow it always feels colder!

    The other thing I sometimes do is find a recipe I want to make, and just go to the grocery store to get the ingredients.  When I am rested, I enjoy a bit of cooking, and it's great to try something different and find out it's a hit!
  24. ocean
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    Day 24
    Hi everyone,
    I've been having a hard time the last 5 days.  I shouldn't be craving this often.  I know it's gotten better, but it's still frequent enough to make me feel less confident, and questioning myself how long I can hold out.  I was supposed to go on two 21 mg. patches, that's 42 mg of nicotine.  But I opted to only wear one patch for 12 hours a day, and supplement the remaining nicotine with gum or spray, etc ...  I've hardly been supplementing lately and it's causing me doubts.  So last night I had a talk with a quit coach and she also thinks I should continue with the original plan of using the supplements.  Today I had a piece of NRT gum, 2 sprays, and about 30 inhaler puffs.  It's kept me going and in total is probably only an extra 6 mgs. of nicotine and then the 11 mg from the Patch.  So all in all my totals are still under one patch's worth (21 mg.).  I need to do this because I've been having too many cravings despite many distractions.  It's helping and I hope I'll suffer less intensly for a bit, and I won't crash and burn.  I've been smoking since I was a 14 year old, a pack a day, and so it's been over 42 years of doing so.  I was pleased, and surprised to see I've gone without 575 cigarettes since I stopped on January 15th.  Who would have thought that I could do this???????  It really puts it in perspective!
  25. treepeo
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    Hi Ocean,

    It's great that you spoke to a quit coach and increased your supplements.  I would not worry about using them at all.  Right now, the most important thing is that you remain totally smoke free.  That's what NRTs are there for.

    Hang in there, Ocean.  You can do this.  And you will love living life as a non-smoker.  You just won't believe the freedom that comes when you break this addiction.
  26. sarah, quit coach
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    Hiya Ocean, and congrats on Day #24!
    Treepeo makes a good point: the supplemental NRT is there to be used as needed, and generously at the beginning of a quit; that is what they're there for. It is far safer to use NRT than smoke, so if that's what you need at this stage of your quit to stay quit, use as needed. You are doing a fantastic job, Ocean, and while it can be surprising to have frequent cravings a few weeks into quitting, its common and can absolutely happen.
    You CAN do this, and HAVE been doing this, Ocean - way to go!
    Best wishes
    Sarah
  27. ocean
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    Day 25
    Hi Sarah and Treepeo,
    I had a great day today and only had bad craves in the first 2 hours of my day.  I was able to wake up on time to have a coffee this morning before I left the house, it was so enjoyable as I'd given this up when I quit.  I also enjoyed my half hour of news, coffee, etc ... before racing out the door.
    Have a wonderful day!
  28. treepeo
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    Yippee Ocean, I'm glad you had a great day today!

    OMG, I can't believe you gave up coffee all this time.  What a sacrifice you made in order to help you quit.  It must have tasted just great this morning!

    You continue to impress the heck out of me, Ocean!  Way to go!
  29. ocean
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    4 Weeks Smoke Free today!

    Hi folks,
    Yay me!  I've survived 4 weeks smoke free and I'm still intact!!  I've been enjoying clear sinus', tasty food, and a boost to my ego knowing that I've done the impossible and I'm now used to the rythm of not smoking in my day to day.  I was so afraid of quitting because I had so little confidence. I'm at a 6/10 in confidence toight.  I had a very rough 5 days recently and it crushed me a bit, but I persevered through it, increased my NRT for that blip and it made it much easier.  I decreased my supplemental NRT back to an as needed basis, while still wearing the 21 mg. patch for 12 hours a day.

    I get to enjoy the odd coffee in the morning again, and waking up earlier again to have a little morning break and catch up on the news before I head in to work.  How many of you didn't want to get up out of bed and chose to sleep in an extra 45 minutes because it wasn't enoyable without those morning cigarette and coffee rituals?

    I go to the Heart Institue at the end of the week to check in with a quit coach.  I can't wait to blow the carbon monoxide apparatus and see my number down low.  It brings out the competitor in me, lol!

    I've been loving food the last few days, maybe more than I should!  I know I'll be able to work it off in April, so there's that!  And I bought my chocolates/nuts today, but that's my reward!!!  And nail polish.  I also paid my bills and even paid extra this month so I can get ahead.  It feels so good to do that.  Thinking of going to New York City this summer/fall.

    Take Care brave warriors,
    Ocean
  30. marianne, quit coach
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    Hello Ocean,

    Is it a month already?  Congratulations to you, so great to hear of how proud you are.  So much to be happy about with all the benefits your counting.  So well deserving of rewards including a trip in sight!  

    We are thrilled for you and thank you for sharing your journey with us, such a pleasure to hear about it all, how you are beating the challenges and getting stronger. We know that days and times can still surface, however, you got this!  And we are here for you anytime when you need an ear and support in some way.  Talking it out makes brings such relief.  

    Cheering you on as you continue to feel good! 

    Marianne
146 posts, 1 answered