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Ocean's journey

146 posts, 1 answered
  1. ocean
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    16 Mar 2018
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    Day 62

    I'm really battling craving after craving tonight.  It's just so hard.  The gum isn't helping so I took a quickspray, still holding on but sometimes I feel like it's endless and too powerful.  These aen't a crave or two, it's been constant for the  last few hours.  Agggghhhh.
  2. ocean
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    Day 64

    I caved today and bought another pack of smokes and have smoked 4.  I'm so done.  I hate that this addiction makes me feel so helpless sometimes.  My mood has been terribly bored and slack and irritable all of last week.  I've bought more NRT, was hoping to save money by only wearing half of a 21 mg.  But I can't do it, so I just bought more NRT.  I think I'll be on the 21 mg. for a while, because I need a break from long periods of craving.  I've switched up my nights and days because the weather was horrid, so I didn't go to bed last night and have stayed up to enjoy the sun and go outside before my March break ends, and so that I'll crash tonight.  And I can't wait to go back to work, have my passion back.  I know my craves were probably emotional, not behavioral or physical.  But they feel physical, the urges do.  Andthey aren't  a wave, they come and stay for 4-5 hour blocks of time.  And I feel really lonely in these blocks, like I'm the only one going through it.  It's so damned frustrating because in my head, I know I'm not  But in my heart, I feel I am.
    Keep fighting you brave warriors.  I should drown the pack under water, but it makes me anxious, I keep thinking I should put them in the freezer so I don't have to buy a pack every time I just want one.  But that's crazy thinking because I think I'd be tempted.
  3. brieffree
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    18 Mar 2018 in reply to ocean
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    Dear Ocean

    I am sorry to hear it, you were doing so well.
    I think is not a good Idea to keep the pack, just get rid off it.

    Remember it is your Addiction Not you!

    One day at the time
  4. valerie, quit coach
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    Hi Ocean,
    I can see that you are not giving up and you keep on pushing the cravings. Slips are common throughout a quit journey and it’s normal to have good and bad days. I like how you are taking the time to reflect back on the source of those cravings, emotional vs physical. This can help you problem solve and find new coping strategies for those specific or similar cravings.

    Does anyone else have any suggestions or tips on how they coped with cravings that could last up to 4-5 hours?

    As breiffree mentioned, one day at a time.

    Valerie
  5. treepeo
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    Hi Ocean,

    I feel your pain.  I think the key for you is to keep busy.

    When I was in the thick of it, I positively threw myself into work.  And when I was home, I walked to the grocery store just about every day.  I would only pick up one thing, so that I was forced to go back every day.  I washed and chopped a lot of veggies.  And did a lot of cooking.  And played a lot of computer games.  Anything to try to keep my mind off the cravings.  And I would wait 10 minutes, and then another 10 minutes, and so on, until the craving passed.   I know most of the literature says that cravings pass in 5 to 10 minutes, but that's just not true.  I remember waiting 10 minutes intervals for 1.5 hours.  I thought I would lose my mind.

    It's hard to quit smoking, but it is worth all of the effort.  You had a slip, but it doesn't have to defeat you.  Hang in there, Ocean.  Throw away that pack and re-commit to your quit.  Don't let this addiction beat you.  You deserve to live a smoke free life.  Believe in yourself, and make it happen!  I'm rooting for you.
  6. jeyan
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    19 Mar 2018 in reply to treepeo
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    Ocean, sorry to hear about the setback. I have also been through many of these, and today I am 520 days into my quit, the longest ever.  Yes, Nicodemon knows our weakness, which is our emotional response, and it know how to tap into it to light one up. This is why we need to identify our emotional pitfalls and prepare to deal with them.  The more and more you fail, you will slowly learn to cope with it.  I can tell you that now I have learned to cope with my emotional ups and downs easily without even thinking about smoking. :)

  7. cls65
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    21 Mar 2018 in reply to ocean
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    Hi Ocean! Thank you for sharing your journey. Reading all your posts has been very enlightening! The struggle is real. I am on day 9, a 30+ year, pack a day smoker. I find it helpful to see what you are going through and hoping it will help prepare me for what is to come. I quit on March 11 and started taking Champix on March 13. I was reluctant because of side effects but I seem to be tolerating it fine. Have you thought of giving Champix a try? I used Nicorette lozenges a bit for the first couple of days and then stopped. My reason for that is because I want to rid my body of every bit of nicotine. I am trying to speed up the "flushing" process by drinking a lot of water, herbal teas, lots of fruit and veggies. Yes I think of smoking several times a day, I often feel bored..the sleep issues..ugh but I do find the emotional/psychological struggle is the most difficult. I think what is driving me right now is that the last few months of smoking was making me feel physically ill, my lungs were burning, my sinuses were painful. I hated every puff I was taking but had to take those puffs because the addiction said I had to. I want to beat this addiction so badly!
    Ocean please do not give up your fight! Today is a new day and today you can make a new choice. You are so worth it! Keep on keeping on!

  8. ocean
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    Thanks you guys,
    I thought if I stayed away from this site I wouldn't overthink it, as I tend to do when I'm overly stressed.  Last week was the worst for me, and it was emotional cravings to get over the extreme cabin fever feelings.  I slipped on Sunday and was dying to return to work for the distraction.  I chose to return to my 21 mg. on Monday and have been feeling easy breeezy since.  I felt a small crave which lasted less than a couple of minutes just once or twice, and then it was completely gone.  I can't beleive the 360 turn in things.  I'm a little afriad of whats to come ths weekend, but I'll plan activities to get out of the house, even if I'm just walking around in circles at a shopping mall.  I saw my Doctor this evening and since I quit over sicty days ago I've gained 11 pounds, but 9 pounds was in the first 30 days, and only 2 in the last 36 days.  But I feel it, too heavy walk so I'm going to do mall walking until the snow melts, and stop gorging on chocolates and chesscake like I have been.  At least the sweets kept me from smoking, which is good, and were a fantastic reward!   But i really don't want it to become a habit like it's starting too.  Got to nip it in the bud.  And save and save for that bike.
    Thanks so much for responding to me when I was so down and defeated, it sucked.  But I'm amazed how it turned around, I didn't feel this last week.  Now I have hope for the next time.
    Keep going you brave warriors!
    Ocean
  9. ocean
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    11 weeks,  71 days

    Still going!  Still on a 21 mg. Patch, and feeling good.  It feels normal not to smoke now, but I do still think of it several times a day.  I can't wait till I don't even think of it, but that may be a while yet.
    Keep going warriors!
  10. ocean
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    Day 74, March 30th
    Happy Easter weekend and Happy Passover to all of those celebrating!  I just ate 2 chocolate bunnies I bought for the kids, delish, but now I'll have to replace them!
    I think my quit smoking journey has really mirrored the weather.  I feel really good on the sunny spring like days, and cabin feverish and sluggish on the dark cloudy damp days.  I will persevere through this blah weather on this long weekend.  I will go out for a coffee Drink, go for walks and drives along the waterfront tomorrow, and find a new recipe for dinner.  I have learned my lesson from barely surviving my March Break and that gloomy 8 day stretch.  Best wishes for a long weekend you brave warriors!  Keep your chins up!  This is a process that takes time to learn, so stick with it!  We're all together and your support is lovely and makes me feel understood, and likewise understanding.  Love.
  11. marianne, quit coach
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    Hello Ocean,

    Wishing you all the very best on this Easter/Passover Weekend!  Great for you to make the best out of the long weekend weather.  

    Couldn't agree with you more- quitting smoking is a process and doing it together makes the world of difference!  

    Marianne
  12. treepeo
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    Hi Ocean,

    Yippee, this is Day 75 for you!  What a terrific milestone!  You should be really proud of yourself.

    I know the weather is not going to be the greatest this weekend, but it's good that you plan to keep busy.  I like your idea of trying out a new recipe.  I find that even something as simple as that can bring me lots of joy.  And the happier you are, the easier it is to keep your quit.  So keep doing things that will give you a pick me up, because that will really help you to keep it together.

    You are rocking your quit, Ocean, and I am delighted for you!  Enjoy the rest of your weekend!
  13. ocean
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    Hey Treepeo,

    Thanks, I was out most of the day and went to a little Island near me.  I also stocked up on groceries as my kids surprised me this morning by teling me their Easter dinner was cancelled, so I picked up a turkey and fixings to have an Easter meal here.  I got the idea for recipes from a post you wrote to me.  I defrosted some trout and look forward to a nice marinade and sides.  Take care and thanks for the suggestion!
  14. ocean
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    Day 82, April 6th
    Still here a week later.  I had a great week and am proud of myself for getting out and about during craves.  It's Friday and I had craves after work last night and again tonight.  But it was payday, and I treat myself to something inexpensive as I save the rest.  I went to the magazine section for inspiration and came home with 4 magazines:  One was a diabetic cooking recipe with mouth watering menu's; the second was a reissue of mindfullness activities focused on resiiency and food, and exercise; the third was a mayo clinich health improvement magazine; and the 4th was another mindfullness one which had beautiful pictures just to look at, haha!  I never really aiticpated getting healthy in other ways when I quit smoking.  But now that my lungs feel healthier, I'm craving physical activity, and so on.  What a gift!  And everyday it's just one day at a time, nothing more or less.  So simple, but not always easy.
  15. treepeo
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    Hi Ocean,

    Day 82, wow, way to go!  I am so very happy for you!  I know it's terrible to still get cravings.  I have had a few big ones in the last two weeks.  Don't know what triggered them, but man, it ticked me off.  I can understand still getting "wants", but physical cravings?  Holy cow, will they ever end???  Such a bummer.

    But oh well, onwards and upwards.  Maybe it's just something we are going to have to live with.  Not pleasant, but the alternative is infinitely worse, eh?

    I love the sound of the magazines you picked up.  It is nice to take some time to think about yourself and your health, eh?  When I smoked, all that went out the window, because I thought, why bother with anything when I still smoke?  But now, it's a whole different ballgame.

    So glad to hear you are rocking your quit, Ocean!  You have a lot to be proud of.  Enjoy your weekend, and get cooking!!!
  16. ocean
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    Day 85, or just finished my 12th week

    And I'm bummed because I had a huge craving and did a bunch of things and I'm still craving!  I stopped using the 21mg. Patch on Saturday and then went without it on Sunday, and today was really hard.  I'm so angry that it's still going on after this long.  I need to burn off this negative energy so I went down to the running room in person to buy shoes and register to do the Run/Walk to quit.  It starts tomorrow evening.  I also went downtown to put another payment on my bike after work.  But even after doing these errands I'm still craving.  It's got me feeling so disappointed.  It's almost three months in, why is it still so hard at times???
  17. treepeo
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    I know it can be discouraging, Ocean.  Look at me, starting my 16th month and I have been getting cravings for the last two weeks.  Yikes!  I was doing so well, and then these cravings came out of nowhere.  But when I think about it, I smoked almost my whole life, so what is 16 months in the face of all those years?

    It may be that we will always get cravings from time to time, and we will just have to ride them out. Or they may disappear one day, who knows?  I try not to dwell on it.  All I know is that I have worked too hard and come too far to give in.  And if I did give in, it wouldn't be the wonderful nirvana I think it would be.  And I would be so angry with myself.

    Focus on all the reasons why you wanted to quit, Ocean.  You have done everything right.  Keep going.  Keep using the money you are saving for stuff you really want, like your bike.  And I think it's so cool that you registered for the Run/Walk quit.  That is amazing!  As you know, your craves won't last forever.  Keep trying to keep your mind off it, and it will pass.  And hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

    Hang tough, Ocean.  You can do this!
  18. emily, quit coach
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    Hi Ocean,

    Congrats on 85 days! I know this last bit has been a challenge, but that is a huge accomplishment!!

    Have you stepped down in the dose of your patch to 14mg now? Or stopped the patch completely? Maybe this is why the cravings have been stronger lately?

    Great to hear that you're keeping busy and active. Look forward to hearing how the walk/run to quit at the Running Room helps you in your journey.

    Emily 
  19. ocean
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    Hi Emily, I went off the Patch completely for 3 days, and I put a new patch on this morning (yes, a 21mg. one).  But my heart just isn't in it.  I get so disappointed.  And today, with the Patch on, I feel discouraged.  I'm going down for the 'walk to quit' at my Running Room in a bit, just going through the motions today.  I had a long day and a meeting after work, and I'm feeling low in spirits to begin with.  But I'm making myself go simply because it might motivate me, and I feel that's what I'm lacking at this moment.  I just need to ride this out.

    And Treepeo, isn't it so discouraging?!  I keep waiting for a significant improvement.  But I'm not there yet.  I wonder if I'm the only one who is near three months in, and still feel like I'm only at one month??  But I know this is a huge relapse 'trigger'  time, and I don't want to give up, yet.  So I'll keep plugging away.
  20. lillian, quit coach
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    Hi Ocean,

    I am sorry that you are feeling discouraged and down right now.  It's difficult to pull out of that overwhelming feeling. But, maybe for now, just accept that this is how you feel, it is understandable and reasonable, don't fight it. You are allowed to have these days!

    What we all know is that this isn't going to last forever and you will feel encouraged and positive again.

    In looking over the 4 pages of posts here in your thread Ocean, you have had your share of tough times but you also did experience some good times too. They are just around the corner again, for sure!

    You are a fighter Ocean! You are a non-smoker now and have been for 85 days. When you first started this thread, you were really hoping for this and now, you've achieved it.

    I know earlier in the thread, you did share a reason you had for doing this. You mentioned the drawback to having a chronic illness. Not just the illness itself, but all of the appointments, parking, time taken away from fun to take care of health....  does that still resonate with you? Maybe share with us your top 10 reasons for being a non-smoker, by Ocean?

    I know you will keep plugging away Ocean. You are strong. This thread proves it.

    Lillian




  21. ocean
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    Hi Lillian,
    I just got back from a 25 minute walk with the Running Room, and I feel so calm!  I have no desire for a cigarette at all.  I'm so surprised!   It was such a short walk, but I felt like I exerted myself, lol.  They don't let you walk as you would around a shopping centre, they make you power walk for 2 minute intervals, then 1 minute of steady pace walking.  And I was challenged in a good way.  But I felt such relief 10 minutes later,  and still now 30 minutes later.  That's the feeling I want and need.  My breathing is deep and calm now, my head is light and flaky!  I'm so, so glad I made it.  I hope this lasts the evening and into tomorrow night when I go again.  There was a rep. from the Canadian Cancer Society and I almost cried when I met her, lol!!. 
  22. lillian, quit coach
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    Ocean!

    You are awesome!!

    Can a quit coach say "Yippee!!!"?

    Keep us posted and have a lovely night!
    Lillian

    Last modified on 10 Apr 2018 20:18 by lillian, quit coach
  23. treepeo
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    Hi Ocean,

    I am thrilled to hear that you enjoyed your walk so much.  That's terrific!  That kind of power walking for a bit and then normal walking is something I want to try when the weather gets a little better, which should be very soon.  And you will probably make friends in that group, which is also awesome!  Glad to know that you are feeling positive again!
  24. ocean
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    Hey Treepeo,
    I went again this evening and felt that wondrful release again.  I had a 2 year bout with severe plantar fasceitis (?spelling).  I also have developed arthritis in the knees and have a weak ankle from an old war injury, so I'm a chicken now if I think I'll hurt myself and have to struggle back to health.  So I stressed that I won't run, and you can run or walk, no problem.  And nothing has flared up, so far so good.  I only walked 2 kms in 20 minutes, so I can't stress how I don't overdo it.  But I got up a sweat and got that heart rate up nontheless.  I will be the baby steps of my small group.  In fact out of 4 of us, only 2 made it tonight and the instructor had thought I'd be the one who didn't show, lol!  It does feel good and the sidewalks are temporarily clear of ice and snow  ... until this weekend at least, haha!  You guys are getting the storm too.  Might have to climb a tobaggan hill to get some fresh air!
  25. treepeo
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    I'm so glad you went again today, Ocean.  It doesn't matter if you have to take baby steps.  Slow and steady wins the race!

    It's amazing how many of us have physical problems that impede us in one way or another.  But I have found that since I quit smoking, I continue to make more of an effort to do more walking.  In fact, I have been out every day after work this week, even though I was tired.  The day here was miserable and rainy, but the evening was perfect, and I just couldn't let it go to waste.  Especially because like you said, this weekend is going to be a whole different ballgame.  Oh brother, will we ever get good weather?  LOL
  26. ocean
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    Hey Guys, things are really looking up!  I'm 93 days into my quit and I really think I've turned a happy corner on this journey.  I realize that I'll always have difficulties after work until after dinner becuase my concentration really dips at this time and I just need to do something mindless and physical to get that good let down feeling that helps me to relax.  I'm so happy that I joined the walk to quit program as I feel amazing after my short but intense walks, great cardio and I can huff and puff without feeling winded and breathless.  I already have other activities on other nights, so it really keeps me distracted, save for 2 nights a week which I enjoy just chilling out at home.  Now if only I could fill up my weekends with more exercise.  haha, that's what I'm building up to.

    I haven't used a NRT Patch in about a week, although I like knowing that I can put one on if I start craving before I leave work (only wear it for 4 or 5 hours).  Mostly I've been using the NRT gum during these "crazy" hours of mine.  It's the mental craves I get at this time which are hard unless I push myself into fitness.

    I finally feel like I've turned a corner!  I think I'm on the right positive side of my quit now.  Good luck to everyone who struggles between the 1 and 3 month mark, it's a doozy, so up and down!  And for those in the first month, well continue giving it your all and you'll get more and more confident even though it still seems impossible and you secretly think it's luck, and not you and your hard efforts.

    We can do it warriors!!

    Ocean
  27. lillian, quit coach
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    Hi Ocean,

    I am so glad that you've turned that corner. You've accomplished so much and now you can focus on all of the resulting positives!

    Have you ever checked out the Walk or Run to Quit Facebook page? Perhaps you can head on there and post, as I do think those members would be truly inspired by your experiences and success too. You certainly are an inspiration on these pages.

    Congratulations Ocean!

    Lillian




  28. ocean
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    What was I thinking??  I slipped today at 97 days in!  I was caught up with the good weather, picked up my new bike and was just so excited.  I stopped by a gas station on my way home with the bike and bought a pack of cigarettes.  I'm trying to think of everything to avoid another slip.  I have a horrible sinus cold and have felt woozy and dizzy and sleepy.  I weighed myself this morning at a friends house and saw that I've gained 19 pounds in just over three months, and I'm a bit breathless because I feel the excess weight.  It was my birthday yesterday but I had to postpone things until today, and then really overdid it today.  And my lungs feel like crap from the congestion and lack of full breaths.  And it's hard with this first beautiful day of Spring.  Was anyone else triggered this first real Spring day?  That pack was out and drowned.  It happened so fast.
  29. quitfriend
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    This certainly is a sneaky and cunning addiction to overcome. Good for you for moving on from your slip. 

    Wishing you success!
    quitfriend
  30. sarah, quit coach
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    Tomorrow is a new day, Ocean.
    You have such a great awareness about yourself, and this slip.
    Try to not be too hard on yourself.
    You might want to check out "Patio Weather" in our Cravings forum, which discussed the connection between warm weather and cravings.
    Keep the quit Ocean - you've got this!
    Warmly,
    Sarah
146 posts, 1 answered