04 Feb 2019
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21 hours ago
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first off, my apologies for my late reply. I had thought that I had responded to you very relatable and supportive message to me. Also, thank you for welcoming to this forum.
I am on day 5. Yay!!!
The first three days were the hardest. I had set up all these supports, and thought I would be calling the hotline, my three support people and reach out for help on this forum. However, to my surprise, I needed to hide out from everyone. I thought if I heard anyone trying to help me, it would make me go to the store to buy a pack. In fact, I had a phone conversation with my bestest friend, who happens to be a smoker (she used Wellbutrin and it helped her quit, but she started smoking two years after quitting), anyways she instigated an argument with me, I diplomatically got out of the intense conversation, even though I knew I did nothing wrong, but, I chose to let her be right rather than me pointing out her flaws. Haha
Well after that conversation, I wanted to go to the store and by a pack. I had planned to do it as soon as I felt rested up (I had been out for a long time and because of my neck injury, I was exhausted when I got home). I told myself, I don’t care won’t people say or think about me not being able to quit. I didn’t want to feel bad about my plan to go buy cigarettes. Well, time past and the urge decreased. It was so hard that day. I was surprised that I didn’t go get smokes. The next day, there was a snowstorm. Schools closed down and the wind was sooo bad that my doctor called and told me not to come in, because she was worried about me slipping and falling. Mother Nature to the rescue. There were moments during that day that I wanted to smoke sooo bad. My best friend instigated another argument with me. I thought, oh my gosh, does she not know I am vulnerable right now. I, honestly, don’t know how I made it through those first three days. Then, because I have persistent pain, my pain increased on day 3 and 4. Well it was really day 2 1/2 and day 3 1/2. To be honest, I let myself have two last cigarettes when I woke up on day 1. And later, can’t remember the time, after I chomped on raw veggies, I had a bad urge to smoke. The after eating smoke was a smoke that Is still hard for me not to smoke. The only thing that stops me now is because I do not want to go through the past five days again.
Anyways, sorry if I went on too much. I just wanted to share my story with you, because our experiences of trying to quit are similar. I want to wish you good luck on your next quit date. And I want you to know that you can reach out to me for support anytime. You can send me a message on a different thread or use this thread. I’m here for you, just as you were there for me. Your story helped me feel better about myself and helped me feel stronger in my conviction to stay smoke free.
Here’s to the bothe of us, being smoke free by mid March and beyond.