04 Sep 2018
07 Sep 2018
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I have smoked for over 20 years. Have quit for almost seven years. Went back to smoking for almost seven weeks. Two days ago I quit again and this was my last quit. My first attempt in 2008 took me three very long difficult years when I tried all that was available, Wellbutrin, Zyban, Nicorette e.t.c. I was never ready because I never really wanted to quit. I also prayed and was on SHO everyday for help and support. I am more than sure that my fellow quitters and moderators had enough of my complaining all the time. That was seven years ago.
Two days ago I told myself that this history will not repeat itself, I cannot allow it. So I took a deep breath, thought about it very carefully and set a time that day for a bit of later. I had few smokes left. Once I made my decision there was no fear or anxiety.
At 2:22 p.m. (I love numbers) I went outside, had my last cigarette and said: no more cancer sticks in my house. After I was done, I took a shower, washed my hair twice and threw all my smelly clothes into the washer. I washed my face over the sink, looked in the mirror and said out loud to myself: thank you. I smiled. I went to my basement apartment (my oasis), did some meditation, sun salutation yoga poses, listened to another meditation by Dr. Wayne Dyer and applied Reiki to myself (an ancient energy medicine). When I was done I prayed and thanked for my blessings and my consciousness that allowed me to make this decision so soon after I picked up the addiction again. Then I went to bed and read Louise Hey book. After all of this I wrote in my journal.
I am sharing this because I seem to think that I know all about this addiction being there for many many years with my husband. The pain, suffering, helplessness, crushed hopes, constant embarrassment, disappointments and hatred lived in my heart for way too long. And there is so much room for Love towards yourself. Why not choose Love over Fear?
I am hoping that it will help some of my fellow quitters here. I realize that many cannot relate to meditation or reiki or yoga but at the end of the day I always say: whatever works for me.