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1. butterflyna

   

   135 posts
   Registered:
   15 Feb 2018
   09 Mar 2019

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   Hi all,
   
   Just a quick note to say some stressful things have come up today. I've been having to talk to my ex over the car. The check engine light came on and he is going to try to have it looked at tomorrow. He has a guy that will look into it but I will have to drive it on the highway to get out there. It has been so cold lately that I have not been keeping up with maintenance; checking oil, etc. My bad. The worst thing is Stress is the biggest trigger for me. I pray I do not pick up. I am scared. One Minute at a time right now. NOPE!!!!! Gonna have to really dig deep into those skills to get through this one. I believe i can do it! xo
   
   butterflyna
   <3
2. butterflyna

   

   135 posts
   Registered:
   15 Feb 2018
   10 Mar 2019

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   Thank God, I made it through. Today I have to go instead. I don't think the guy smokes tho. Feeling anxious this morning. Have to still change my watch an hour ahead. ODAAT, NOPE!
   
   butterflyna
   (shaking can hardly type)
3. efram, quit coach

   

   235 posts
   Registered:
   29 Nov 2017
   10 Mar 2019 in reply to butterflyna

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   Hi butterflyna,
   
   Remember to take some deep breaths! You are the one who got you through stressful situations in the past -- NOT the cigarette. And you are even stronger without the cigarettes to slow you down.
   
   Feel free to give us a call here today if you'd like to talk about your reasons for quitting, the benefits you're noticing after over a week smoke-free (congratulations!), brainstorm additional coping skills to help you through stressful situations, etc. 1-877-513-5333.
   
   Thanks for reaching out.
   
   ODAAT,
   Efram

4. wandam

   

   241 posts
   Registered:
   05 Feb 2019
   10 Mar 2019

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   Hi Butterfly 🦋
   
   Hang in there, little baby steps in getting through this day. Stressful situations are definitely challenging to get through, but you have been doing just that with your quit! Quitting is stressful/hard & your doing it. I believe you will make it through this day with the ex. Keep up the good work Butterfly!

   Last modified on 10 Mar 2019 11:28 by wandam
5. butterflyna

   

   135 posts
   Registered:
   15 Feb 2018
   10 Mar 2019

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   Thank you efram and Wandam,
   
   I made it through! Tonight I talked with the ex and I have to take the car in tomorrow morn to be fixed. Perhaps he won't be there (the ex) Today they were all smoking but I got through it "fine" ... (Does anyone here know what F.I.N.E. stands for? If not I can let that outta the bag too lol) 
   Thank you both so much for replying. I didn't know what to do today. I was shaking like crazy! Stress is the worst for me. I hate that. Stress is life!
   Anyhow, ODAAT and NOPE. I am a non-smoker and I feel so great being a non-smoker. I quit cuz I almost died from smoking! I will not go back to it! So there, Stress. Your not gonna win!
6. atp

   

   501 posts
   Registered:
   31 Dec 2018
   11 Mar 2019 in reply to butterflyna

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   Butterfly,
   
   Looks like you are really cruising through this quit attempt. 11 days now?
   
   Noticed your post reply to a new member on WELCOME board where you talked about your use of the patch and quit attempts. Written like a confident new non-smoker! 
   
   So are you feeling any better since quitting? 
   (For me that was one of the biggest motivators early in my quit was looking for all the benefits of not smoking - smelling the roses so to speak).
   
   
7. butterflyna

   

   135 posts
   Registered:
   15 Feb 2018
   12 Mar 2019 in reply to atp

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   Hi atp,
   Yes, as of today 11 days smoke free. I didn't go yesterday to get the car fixed. I guess it doesn't really matter what the stressor is. I don't have to go into detail about that. The fact is I was stressed, but I made it through. Sometimes when I get stressed it's like I'm a little girl, I realize. Spewing out everything I feel, all panic stricken. I've done some DBT and it's not good for me to be in emotion mind. Either Reasonable or Wise is the best. When I'm scared I go to emotion. It overwhelms me. I know this! I realize how important it is to quit smoking. In all honesty, it doesn't take away from my depression or my anxiety, when it is acute. There are still going to be problems in my life, I just have to learn to get through them smoke free.
   Anyhow, in response to your question, am I feeling any better since quitting? ... Yes, I get up and can breath! That is so amazing in itself! I will live longer due to being a non-smoker and I will hopefully never have to go on that Prednisone drug again! It is so bad for me! There is mega positive about me being smoke-free! I had a little reaction from the patch last night, but I got through it. No biggie. It's all good.
8. atp

   

   501 posts
   Registered:
   31 Dec 2018
   12 Mar 2019 in reply to butterflyna

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   Butterfly,
   
   We all get stressed, some of us maybe a bit more than others, and some like me just do a better job of not showing it outwardly. One thing I discovered early on in my quit, was that smokes were not the answer to the question of 'life, the universe, and everything' The answer to that is 42 - LOL. 
   
   I asked if you were feeling better because I wanted you to stop and think about positives. Change how you're looking at quitting. Waking up and not coughing - that is so huge! stand up on the top of the mountain, or at least at the end of your balcony, and shout out to the world how much better you feel. 
   
   Keep it up. Glad to see you are doing it!

   Last modified on 12 Mar 2019 13:12 by atp
9. butterflyna

   

   135 posts
   Registered:
   15 Feb 2018
   12 Mar 2019 in reply to atp

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   Hi atp,
   
   Was I trying to convince you or me??? I am having great difficulty not smoking. My depression has worsened substantially and my interest in doing anything has really diminished. When you asked me about how do I feel, I feel great except for these underlying problems. I need to do laundry and clean my place but I am not. I am getting insomnia from the patch and sleep during the day mostly. I am also having a real problem with dizziness. To the point I have to hold on to things or sit down. Even when I sit or lay down I am still dizzy. I didn't want to share this. You know I am pretty sure I shared earlier that I am on antidepressants. They are very old and have a lot of side effects (Nardil/Phenelzine Sulfate). I am also taking the cbd oil which at first seemed to be helping but not so much now. That can often be the problem ... I don't know which thing I am taking that is helping or hindering? I want a cigarette from the moment I wake up until I lay down, which is why I lay down so much. With the depression I am not focusing on "the good". I am focusing on everything else. The negative is with me. I am negative on myself. This is my mental health issue.  I hate it!  I am trying to break it. I am doing my best. I don't know. I have not smoked tho!  At least It's honest.
   
   butterflyna
10. jenna c, quit coach

    

    58 posts
    Registered:
    29 Nov 2018
    12 Mar 2019 in reply to butterflyna

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    Hi butterflyna,
    
    First of all, wow it is amazing that despite what you are going through both physically and psychologically you are remaining smoke free and are determined! 
    
    When quitting it can be normal to experience increased mental health symptoms (loss of interest, etc) of depression/anxiety. The dizziness and insomnia that you are also experiencing may too be withdrawal symptoms, but because they seem to be to the extreme, we recommend you speaking to your health care provider.
    
    You may also call us of course-  1-877-513-5333 if you are looking for a crisis line in your area that may be of assistance to you for your mental health.
    
    butterflyna, again thank you for your honesty and sharing your story. We wish you well.
    
    
    Take Care,
    
    jenna c, quit coach
    
11. butterflyna

    

    135 posts
    Registered:
    15 Feb 2018
    12 Mar 2019

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    Thank you Jenna.
    I took the patch off. I can't function like this. I am alone and have to clean my place, eat and shower. I have a cat I have to take care of. I bent down last night to clean her litter and almost fell into it. Yes I had a cigarette too. 11 days and 20 hours. Better than b4. I am sorry to let you all down. Hopefully I get my head together, do what I need to do with stuff around my apt and myself. Definitely look into what was causing my dizziness and try again. Ps.. The cigarette tasted terrible!!. ODAAT. I'm not giving up. 
    
    butterflyna 
    xo
    Ps ... Perhaps a thread on quitting smoking and Mental health issues would be a good thing to start? Just a thought.  Thx.
    
12. jenna c, quit coach

    

    58 posts
    Registered:
    29 Nov 2018
    13 Mar 2019 in reply to butterflyna

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    HI butterflyna,
    
    Thanks for letting us know how you are doing. First off, you have not let us down and please look at what you have accomplished, 11 days 20hrs! You are determined and NOT giving up,
    so hold that thought. Quitting smoking is very difficult and may take several attempts before getting it right. Each time you quit you learn and gather experience for the next round.
    
    Ok, so you have a had a slip since yesterday. If you want to resume quitting we can just say you
    had a difficult day and you don't have to relapse if you are motivated right now to continue your quitting path (that's up to you).
    
    I am glad the cigarette tasted yucky. This could help you from relapsing. Again, it would be a good idea to discuss these symptoms (dizziness) as well has discussing your mental health
    status with your health care provider.
    
    We will look into the possibility of doing a thread on Mental Health and smoking.
    Hang in there butterflyna and just know we are here for you tonight If you need to talk, ok.
    
    Keep you chin up,
    
    jenna c, quit coach
    
13. butterflyna

    

    135 posts
    Registered:
    15 Feb 2018
    13 Mar 2019 in reply to jenna c, quit coach

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    Thx Jenna,
    I took the patch off and found I still have the dizziness, etc., so it's not the patch. A side effect of the patch and overdose is dizziness. I had to be sure. I did smoke a few cigarettes today. I am going to put the patch back on. Regardless of if I relapsed or not, I don't want to smoke anymore. The dizziness has stayed with me. I don't know what it is but i will try to get to a walk-in clinic tomorrow (Thurs). I have to clean and do laundry which is getting me down but I can't go too fast. ODAAT. Thank you Jenna. I will do my best <3
    
    butterflyna
14. jenna c, quit coach

    

    58 posts
    Registered:
    29 Nov 2018
    13 Mar 2019 in reply to butterflyna

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    Butterflyna,
    It's hard to say at this point what is causing dizziness. That would be a good idea to go to a walk-in clinic if you are still having symptoms tomorrow. Again your determination to quit is evident!
    ODAAT.
    
    Jenna C, (quit coach) 

15. efreeman75

    

    296 posts
    Registered:
    02 Apr 2018
    14 Mar 2019

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    Hi butterfly,
    
    Congratulations - you made it so much further this time.  Think of each quit attempt as practice for your final quit.  The road to success is not a straight line.
    
    I hope things go well for you today at the walk-in.  I too suffer from mental health issues.  Has your mental health care provider weighed in on your quit smoking attempts?  Perhaps therapies need to be altered while you adjust to new nicotine levels? 
    
    My gym recently finished renovations, including little motivational slogans painted on the walls.  In front of my favourite treadmill is now painted "If it doesn't challenge you, it doesn't change you."  Let's just say I'm sore today from running further than normal yesterday.  Quitting smoking is a huge challenge, but with huge rewards.
    
    Stay close butterfly, we'll help you get there.
    
16. wandam

    

    241 posts
    Registered:
    05 Feb 2019
    14 Mar 2019

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    Hi Butterfly 🦋 
    
    I’m so glad that you are still with us & determined to concur this awful addiction that all of us struggle with too! You are a trooper for hanging in there & not giving up on yourself/smoke free journey! Please don’t be so hard on yourself, remember quitting is extremely difficult, if it was easy, none of us would be on this site for support. One day at time, little baby steps Butterfly 🦋 
17. butterflyna

    

    135 posts
    Registered:
    15 Feb 2018
    20 Mar 2019

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    Hi all,
    I am back. Yes, I am smoking. I even started smoking in my apartment (with air purifier on) Wow, eh? lol Not in a good place but hanging in there. For a while there it wasn't about quitting smoking at all, it was just about getting through each day with the dizziness.
    All in all, I did manage to get a ride to my doctors (didn't want to drive with the dizziness) and she ran some tests and she says it's Vertigo. No doubt due to me being perimenopausal. Now perimenopausal may sound like nothing, but boy oh boy what it was doing to me was so confusing. Had the vertigo even when I slept. Very bad pains (muscle cramps) mostly in my legs but really all over. Hot flashes to the point I was waking up sweating. Not just one or two ... they were lasting all night and day. I felt like I was going over the edge! Even in my apt I couldn't function and people in the bldg when I did go out thought I was drunk. I just couldn't keep my balance for the life of me. It was so embarrassing.
    The lovely thing is at least my doctor gave me some medication to help with the vertigo. I go to the pharmacy and lo and behold it's not covered. $60 or not being able to function. I got the pills now I am living off of 30. bucks the rest of the month ... BUT I CAN FUNCTION!!!! :(
    I just started smoking again when all this went down. Many people are disappointed in me but I don't care. I stopped the patch, the cbd oil ... everything cuz I didn't know what was causing it. Either way I will be starting a new quit date. March 25th. The Aim to Quit group I loved so much was shut down for 3 weeks in March. They are starting back up on the 27th which will really help me a lot.
    I do have one (more) negative thing. I did learn at the Aim to Quit group that you can smoke when you are on the patch. THE ABSOLUTE WORST THING I COULD HAVE EVER BEEN TOLD!
    I quit for the 11 days with the patch thinking (or forcing myself to think) I can't smoke with it on. I already have and that's a really bad thing for me to have done. I know it. I put on a patch and had a few cigarettes that day. Why or why do they tell you this!!!???
    I have set my quit date for March 25th and if I quit altogether or not will be for me to see. As per the perimenopausal thingy. I can only take one day at a time. I am very blessed to have you all and thank you all so much for the supportive words. You all mean the world to me and have stuck by me. I will do my best to keep up to date with you all. Again, thank you so much!
    butterflyna xo
18. brieffree

    

    1477 posts
    Registered:
    28 Nov 2017
    20 Mar 2019 in reply to butterflyna

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    Hi Butter
    
    
    I am so sorry you feel that way! you were 11 days smoke free, next time you will be more prepare!
    
    We all have more than 1 quit try! I QUIT SEVERAL TIMES BEFORE MY LAST TIME, IT STICK TO ME!
    All the best!
    
19. wandam

    

    241 posts
    Registered:
    05 Feb 2019
    20 Mar 2019

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    Good morning Butterfly 🦋 
    
    I haven’t been on here for several days, so when I saw your post I was happy 😀 to see you were back. I was afraid we lost you. 
    
    I agree with Brieffree a lot of us quit several times before we actually quit!
    
    Yet I thought I would be the opposite of that & quit for good the first time. Well, well, I did quit for the first time, 9 months & relapsed, for similar reasons as you, health issues, causing severe pain for a few months & started to smoke again. I was so disappointed with myself & still think about it today, who starts smoking after 9 months? Many do, I read & was told. 
    
    Butterfly 🦋 you are so not alone, many of us have been in your shoes & got back to the business of being smoke free again & that’s exactly what you are doing, getting back to your smoke free journey! One day at a time! Little baby steps. Super Good to have you back with us!

    Last modified on 20 Mar 2019 10:22 by wandam
20. butterflyna

    

    135 posts
    Registered:
    15 Feb 2018
    21 Mar 2019

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    Thanks so much wandam and brieffree. 
    
    I will never stop trying 😘
    
    butterflyna xo
21. atp

    

    501 posts
    Registered:
    31 Dec 2018
    23 Mar 2019 in reply to butterflyna

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    Butterfly,
    
    You quit date is coming up and I just wanted to let you know how impressed I am at your dedication to work on your quit. Kind of sucks that you were hit with a whole other issue on your last quit, hopefully some day you can look back at that and have a good chuckle - trying to quit smoking caused your menopause! 
    
    Tomorrow I am celebrating my 51st Birthday, and 4 days later my wife is celebrating her 50th (and she is so wanting to be done having her periods, but they still keep coming). I am looking forward to celebrating my first birthday of my adult life as a non-smoker. That is how hard it has been to quit all these years. Check my post on Quit Date Query thread, you will see I was trying to quit for a long time. 
    
    Point is, if you want it you will do it when you are ready. That could be this time. If it isn't, then learn from it and try again. 
    
22. butterflyna

    

    135 posts
    Registered:
    15 Feb 2018
    25 Mar 2019 in reply to atp

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    Hi All!
    
    Guess what day it is??? Yuppers ... It's my Quit date!! Got my patch on and haven't smoked since midnight last night :)
    
    First and foremost, atp ... Thank you for your post above. Actually, when it all comes down to it, the fact that I thought quitting smoking put me into menopause is a chuckle fact right now! lol I don't always know why I think the way I do but hindsight is 20/20. I guess we'll have to see. I can empathize with your wife. That is exactly how I think about my periods. (Get on with the process will ya!! lol)
    Congratulations on you and your wifes' birthdays!! After 50 it's all become so confusing for me. Gotta go by ODAAT. It's just the way I have to work it. HAPPY 51ST BIRTHDAY (1ST SMOKE FREE)!! I look forward to my 53rd being my 1st smoke free :)
    ps... I keep forgetting to put all my quit dates under the query thread. Gotta do that today.
    
    Lastly, so I am on the patch, got the mist, gum, lozenges as added support. Emily called just a while ago and we talked and I am so glad she called. The "Aim to Quit" program (f2f meeting) is starting again on the 27th. I really like that meeting and it helps me so much.  I am on my way again ... One day at a time. Hopefully for the last time quitting (praying). Thank you all so much. I know how supportive you are and thank God for each and every one of you <3
    
    butterflyna
    NOPE .... Not One Puff EVER!!!
    xo
23. butterflyna

    

    135 posts
    Registered:
    15 Feb 2018
    26 Mar 2019

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    Hi friends!!!!
    
    Thanks Wandam, brieffree and atp for your posts!! It's a beeaauuuutifuuuuuullllll day in the neighbourhood today! :)  Got my patch on, my gum, lozenges and mist tied to my back and I am on my way again. Second day smoke free and I feel awesome! Having a few issues with the new vertigo med but I can handle it. I have asthma and the vertigo med reacts to my it and my breathing can still get a little short at times. I have my salbutamol puffer so it shouldn't be a problem at all. "It's my journey and I'll smoke if I want to" but ya know ... I don't want to. Isn't that awesome! I have been praying about having the desire to stop using (cigarettes) and just like my past 12 step journeys, He has obliged me. The desire to smoke is slowing leaving me. It did with the other substances. Not everyone believes in it but I do. I am so blessed! All of you awesome people and God to boot! How can I ever go wrong??!! Hope everyone has a fantabulous smoke free day!!! I love this site! <3
    
    butterflyna
    xo
    ps.. Perhaps I should change my name to my other alias ... Abby Normal ... lololl ;)
    
24. jenna c, quit coach

    

    58 posts
    Registered:
    29 Nov 2018
    26 Mar 2019 in reply to butterflyna

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    Butterflyna,
    
    So glad to hear you have not given up and are trying it again this week! Also am relieved that you wen to your doctor to determine what was causing those symptoms. Vertigo can be very debilitating. Sounds like you are in a better place to focus on your quitting this time. 
    Keep it up!
    
    jenna c, quit coach
25. treepeo

    

    832 posts
    Registered:
    29 Nov 2017
    26 Mar 2019

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    Hi butterflyna,
    
    The fact that you can appreciate a beautiful day says a lot.  Kudos to you for giving this another shot.  You can do this, you really can.  Keep using your NRTs, stay busy, and have some fun.  Do things that will make you happy.  It's hard to quit, and it's even worse when you're going through menopause.  Good grief, sometimes the deck is stacked against us.  But never mind.  Just persevere and you will achieve your goal.  And do something nice for yourself.  You deserve a treat!
26. wandam

    

    241 posts
    Registered:
    05 Feb 2019
    27 Mar 2019 in reply to butterflyna

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    Good evening Butterfly 🦋 
    
    So Happy for you being on day two! I believe in prayer just like you & prayed for help too, needed it big time along with Champix & support. One day at time, sometimes minutes, hang in there Butterfly 🦋 
27. butterflyna

    

    135 posts
    Registered:
    15 Feb 2018
    27 Mar 2019

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    Thank you Jenna, treepeo and wandam :)
    
    Yup, I said I will never quit quitting and I honestly meant it. I am feeling good so far. Have had a few cravings but distract or use one of the NRT's. I have the "Aim to quit" group tomorrow (Wed) and am so looking forward to it. I also have to see the NRT lady on Thursday. She is awesome. I missed the f2f groups. I had some weird dreams this morning but they weren't scary or anything. The last time with the patch and getting 11 days, the vivid dreams did seem to stop for me after a few days. This will happen again I hope. I also do put my patch on a noon every day so by bed time it's not as strong. I am so grateful for all I have learnt through you all and others. I understand myself and my smoking habits so much better. This I truly believe helps with my quitting. I thank you all for this :)  It is really great meeting the new people that come in. I can so relate to them. It's wonderful to be able to help and support others. It makes me feel better about myself all around.
    
    Thank you and I wish you all another 24 hrs (One day at a time) Thank you for being here!
    
    butterflyna
    xo
28. butterflyna

    

    135 posts
    Registered:
    15 Feb 2018
    29 Mar 2019

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    Good morning all!
    
    Just wanted to check in. I am 4 days smoke free now. Feeling good but not Great. Just where I am. Not good or bad. I do have to get use to these emotional ups and downs. They are part of me. Sometimes I'd swear I was bipolar! I am still on the patch and using the NRT's if need be. Had a great meeting yesterday at "Aim to Quit" and got some more NRT's from the program. I hope others on here that need help with NRT's know to reach out to their local resources; they offer so much help for free. Such a blessing! It is a beautiful day here today. I will try and get out and enjoy it some. I wish each and everyone another 24 hrs smoke free! (or if your weaning, that you get to your quit date and flourish!) KCB and ODAAT! <3
    
    butterflyna
    xo
    

    Last modified on 29 Mar 2019 10:23 by butterflyna
29. treepeo

    

    832 posts
    Registered:
    29 Nov 2017
    29 Mar 2019 in reply to butterflyna

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    Hi butterflyna,
    
    Way to go for making it through four smoke free days!  Keep up the good work.
    
    The weather will get warmer, eventually (sigh).  Wouldn't you love to walk around as a non-smoker, and maybe sit outside on a patio having a coffee, without your lungs crying out for a fix?  Trust me, it feels really good to be able to do that.
    
    You are more than halfway through your first week.  Stay strong and focus on your goal.  You can do this, butterflyna.  Make it happen!
    
30. wandam

    

    241 posts
    Registered:
    05 Feb 2019
    31 Mar 2019 in reply to butterflyna

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    Hi Butterfly 🦋 
    
    So happy for you! Keep at it, one day at a time!